The Osbournes

Episode Report Card
Stee: B- | 333 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Just Say F*** No

Night. House. Jack and Sharon watch TV together as Kelly comes in with some dude, announcing she's going out. Sharon begs her not to. Kelly says, "I can't help it." She leaves.

Middle of the night. Sharon can't sleep, so she's cleaning out the fridge. She tells us that Kelly is really partying too much, and she's tired and bad-tempered, and while she has twenty days until Kelly is eighteen, she's going to try to enforce her staying in for the three weeks she has left to control her.

Kelly. Montage of Drunk. Jumping Around. Jumping on beds. Spanking Dill. Robert, Kelly, Jack, and Dill dance. Kelly twirls. Jack makes a face. Kelly is fucked up. Finally she falls on Dill and then goes to puke. I think a lot of people probably go to puke after getting too close to Dill. Commercials.

Back. Ozzy works out. The TV plays Bette Midler singing "Wing Beneath My Wings." Ozzy looks suspiciously at the TV.

Giant Trainer knocks on Jack's door for about a minute, listening to see if he can hear anything. Poor guy. Going get fucking fired.

Meanwhile, Kelly throws up in the bathroom. Ozzy, because he's been through this a million times with himself, offers to go get Kelly a bottle of water and tells her to stay still. Kelly yells that she has to get up because she has a radio interview on hold; she put the phone down because she had to puke. Meanwhile, the lady can probably totally hear this exchange. Brilliant. Kelly finally gets up and says, "Hi, Sylvia, sorry."

Kelly, looking like ass, is in Sharon's make-up room, waiting to get made up as Sharon is currently. Kelly tells us that she's a terrible drunk, because she doesn't remember anything and she's violent and mean. Sharon asks what this tells her? Kelly says that she can't drink. No one believes her, but she says she's not going out this weekend, that she'll die if she does. Sharon starts telling Kelly she should have a roll with butter and bacon and ketchup, trying to make her puke. Kelly goes on that there's no more drinking. When Sharon talks about pink sausages, Kelly finally goes to puke.

Working out. Jack lifts while Giant Trainer barks at him. Robert glides on the machine in the background. Giant Trainer tells Jack that when he has his buddies over on the weekend, this is the party right here. Hee. It's such a sad losing effort to try to turn Jack Osbourne into a meathead jock whose idea of a good time is to get together with his guy friends and work out together. Actually, I can't believe that's anyone's idea of a good time. Jack is hurting, telling us that he's been partying every night this week and his bones need a rest.

The Osbournes

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