The Osbournes
Tennis Racket

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | Grade It Now!
Forty, No Love

CUT BETWEEN: Ozzy looks in the bathtub, saying, "Tiggie." Ha ha, very funny, Boys With Avids. The worker asks someone parked in a van if he's seen a cat. Ozzy looks downstairs. The worker asks some other workers. Ozzy shuffles out back, saying he doesn't want the coyotes to get the cat. The worker comes back to the house, saying they need to find this cat. Ozzy opens a glasses case and "says," "Tiggie." Boo. Commercials.

Back. House. Night. The neighbors play tennis. Ozzy tries to program the TV as Sharon wonders where "Hilts" (?) and "Gus" are. "We're losing all the cats," she says, yelling for them out the back door. Ozzy still can't get the TV right. "Come on, Gus!" says Sharon. Ozzy still can't get the TV. He hangs his head.

Upstairs. Sharon gets her hair colored as she tells a shirtless Ozzy that it's too much of a coincidence that three cats have gone missing. No, the coyotes are just like, "Dude, that house down there has one thousand animals just roaming around free! It's like fish in a barrel. Seriously! You gotta check it out." Sharon whines that she just wants her cats back. It is pretty sad. Sharon says that it's the tennis players and Ozzy says that it's the coyotes, and that he heard one get a cat the other night. Sharon says through clenched teeth, very Lady Macbeth, "Don't lie, Ozzy." Yikes. I think that's a dagger I see before her.

Backyard. Ozzy runs around looking in the bushes for the cats. So sad. Kelly arrives home in her car with a cat in her lap. Sharon comes over and asks if it's a "ragdoll." I don't know if that's a breed of cat, or if Sharon is just weird. Kelly says it's from the same litter as Gus and that its name is Mojo. Now, why do they just keep buying coyote food without taking some precautions? Makes no fucking sense. Ozzy keeps running around the yard as Sharon tells Kelly to tell Ozzy she got the cat at the pound. They both don't think he'll believe it. Man. If they have to keep getting animals, can't they be good people and indeed get them from the pound? What's wrong with them? More Ozzy wandering, saying, "Where did the cat go?" Ozzy hears the new cat meow, and Ozzy says, "She's here!" Finally, Ozzy is standing near the car as they continue to try to hide the cat. Ozzy wanders into the garage, where we see about eight hundred bottles of soda piled up. Goddamn. They could last for seven years in that house without ever running out of snacks. Kelly thinks they could just tell Ozzy that Gus came back, that he couldn't tell the difference. Sharon says they'll hide Mojo for a couple days and then let him out into the kitchen. She knows Ozzy will notice when the dogs go for the new cat. Kelly counters that it took him six months to even realize they had two cats instead of one. Kelly takes the cat and puts it some room.

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The Osbournes




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