MONDO EXTRAS

Ozzy dreams of Britney and then of himself yelling "Viagra!!!" and he wakes up. He tells Sharon he had a terrible dream that it was Christmas. "Darling, it is Christmas," she says. "Oh, fuck!" says Ozzy. And that's it. Really. Really? His having a dream it was Christmas had nothing to do with the Britney thing or...wow. Okay. Roll with it, Stee.

Computer animated city with skating and trees and such, and then we get the list of the special guest stars on this Osbourne Family Christmas Special: Carmen Electra, Anthony Anderson, Britney Spears, Brendan Fraser, Mandy Moore, JC Chasez, Big Boi, Jonathan Lipnicki (?), Eddie Griffin, Brittany Snow, Rob Zombie, Adam Carolla, Eva Mendes, Nick Lachey, Dave Navarro, Wilmer Valderrama, Tracy Morgan, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Mike Myers, and Jessica Simpson. Wow, that's a giant list of Who's Not.

Living room. Since they've been "acting" so much lately, it's hard to tell when they're not, but Sharon and Ozzy are having a "normal" conversation in which she reminds him about the Christmas special they've been talking about having and he asks "Who?" and "What?" a lot. Ozzy yawns as she explains it. "I like Christmas," Ozzy deadpans. Okay, that's funny. A little less funny now that we know he's just heavily medicated and about to crash on his ATV.

Ozzy is outside, holding the pipe of a big snowmaker. He sprays snow all over the back yard, loving it, wearing a robe and ascot. As we get a montage, someone explains to the family that they're going to have snow and reindeer and elves (midgets, we see) for this party they're throwing. More shots of the party. Dogs run. Chanukah celebration. Someone cooks something. Servers. Guests. Sharon tells Kelly about the party. Ozzy arrives. Sharon lies to Kelly, saying that "really, really fun people" will be at the party. We see the above people arriving. No party that Jonathan Lipnicki shows up at could possibly be fun. Ozzy chats with Triumph the puppet.

On their stairwell, Sharon and Ozzy toast the crowd, saying they wish their holiday dreams come true, blah blah blah fruitcakes. Eva Mendes sees the camera and purses her lips as far as they'll go without breaking off. Where's David Spade? Really. He should fire his manager -- this is exactly his crowd and he's not invited. Just shoot him.