MONDO EXTRAS

Wow, I really didn't know this was just going to actually be a party that they just film. This sucks. And then it sucks infinitely more when Tracy Morgan comes in dressed as Santa. I want to go home. Oh wait, I am home. I want them to go away. Unfunny Claus gives Kelly and Jack gifts. Tracy gets Jack an afro pick. Ha, for his big hair. Get it? Sharon gets some "Bling Crosby" or some shit the crazy man is talking about. Whatever. It's jewelry. I'm trying hard to find Tracy's jokes, but just like watching the last five years on SNL, I can't. He says he didn't want to feud with Kelly...so he got her some money. Sharon asks why it's "47" dollars he hands Kelly. He says Santa got hungry and bought himself a burrito on the way over. Okay, I guess I "see" the joke there. I'm just not sure it's funny. They keep cutting to Carmen Electra -- the only one at the party actually paying attention to any of this shit. Man, Jack looks like he wishes he could be out back doing some Oxy with Dill and the midgets. Tracy wants Kelly to sit on his lap. He's the one.

Shot of a mini train. Partygoers. Partygoers. Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra. Sharon is telling Carmen how to make cookies and keep her man happy and Ozzy keeps ruining the shot, drunkenly saying, "No, I'm not," in response to nothing. Doesn't even make sense. See, most women who have alcoholic husbands hide them away and try to keep private their most drunken and embarrassing times. To Sharon, that's camera-time.

Boobilicious Kelly sits on Unfunny Claus's lap. Something about gold records and Santa being black.

Back to cooking. Ozzy whisks.

Back to Tracy. Triumph insults his acting. Tracy looks genuinely hurt.

Whisking. Ozzy says Sharon's the woman so she should be doing this. Then for some reason, Eddie Griffin comes by and tries to take over and do his shtick that's so tired it never even woke up. He proceeds to pour salt all over the place and fuck up the cookies. The funny part is, people are actually standing around watching. This is the worst party ever. Ozzy just walks away from Griffin's shtick.

Unfunny Claus has Jack cornered now. Jack wants a $30 million distribution deal, and a hooker. He tells Jack not to break the non-existent hooker. Jack leaves. Tracy makes a "Ho Ho Ho" joke ("Ho's" -- get it?) and then has to explain it to the camera.