Party again. Carolers. Petting zoo. Same footage of the midgets. One of the carolers starts coughing. Ozzy gets a kick out of Triumph. The dog makes jokes...no, he doesn't. He just calls Christmas bullshit.
Inside. Ozzy and Triumph sing a duet of "Cats Are Cunts." It's a tiny bit funny. People laugh. Carmen loves the camera. The feeling isn't mutual. They keep singing "Cats Are Cunts." Bob Smigel loves plugging his album. He loves money like Sharon does. Isn't Smigel the name of the Hobbit dude's bad side? It's fitting.
Eddie Griffin and Unfunny Claus do some "Yes, And..."-ing. I think it has something to do with Eddie having had an affair with Mrs. Claus, but Unfunny isn't mad. Stee isn't laughing.
Day. House. Sharon is going to dress Lola up. And Peggy-Sue, the new bulldog. A dog dresser comes over with clothes. Holy shit. The dogs all get dresses and suits. Holy moly, Sharon is batshit. Minnie tries to bite Kelly. What a wretched dog. I wish Jack had really killed her. Martin also tries to bite Kelly. Dogs can smell evil. Kelly asks why Martin is such a dick. Man, after all the scripted shit, this batshit-crazy but real stuff is so refreshing. Some other bulldog is Santa. Are there three bulldogs? I'm lost.
Kelly brings Lola in to see Ozzy in the home recording studio, where he's with some guys screaming into the mic. Ozzy sees the dog and laughs. As always, tons of people are around. Sharon comes in and shows off the other stupider dogs. Ozzy apologizes to the dogs for getting tortured like this by Sharon. Ozzy shouldn't be the only one.
Party again. A girl who looks like Tori Amos or one of the Olsen twins stands around. Yeah, good times.
(Why the hell can't the captioning group get their shit together? The only shows that need to have bad recapping are real-time events like sports or the news. This is a taped show, and the captioning is a jumbly mess. Get your shit together. Thank you.)
I spoke too soon about the "good times." Here comes The Strange Case That Is Adam Carolla. So quick-witted and funny on the radio -- I really enjoy listening to him on "Loveline." But oh so bitterly unfunny and off-putting in person. Perhaps it's because he's so unpleasant to look at. Could that be it? I don't know. There are lots of unpleasant-looking comedians. I think he just has a brand of humor that his face doesn't support. It's a biting-wit thing that his appearance somehow nullifies. Let me know if you have any ideas. Anyway, he makes a bad joke about how their kitchen is bigger than his whole house. He's in the kitchen with Jack, and he's going to show him how to make cranberry sauce. He hates canned sauce. Jack agrees. Poor Jack. He's looking like Dame Edna more every day. In reference to a hat with ornaments dangling off it, Adam Carolla makes a joke about not having had balls on his head since...and in the waiting for that punchline, I quickly thought, "Okay, Carolla is going to prove my point about how he can be really funny, because this is such a hack set-up, he's going to twist it at the last minute and left-field me into hysterics." No such luck. He says, "Since I was going for the writer gig on the new Kimmel show." Eh. Even he had to codicil that one with, "A little ball humor there." A very little.