Triumph does shtick with Anthony Anderson, asking him what he does. He says he does nothing. Triumph says that Ozzy is Satanic and A.A. is "a black mass." Hm.
Now we get a singing of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with floaty quasi-celebrity heads in a computerized wintery landscape. Ozzy sings the first day. He's very loud and happy -- probably sober for once. Brendan Fraser decides to sing the second day in a totally different key. Kelly skips to fourth day, and is way out of her limited range; wow, her voice sounds bad here. Then someone sings the third day, but I'm not sure who it is. Mandy Moore, maybe? Brittany Snow? Then Triumph. Then the heroin addict Jason Mews (I think -- not that I just "think" Jason Mews is a heroin addict, I just think that's him, since they didn't pimp him at the beginning) with some high girl hanging on him and some Background Dude. Then Eddie Griffin way too close. Big Boi. The snoochie-boochies again. Wilmer (in what will be his sole appearance in the entire special). Ozzy. Sharon. Triumph. Snoochies. Big Boi with his mouth full of fronts and his elocution not what it used to be, before the fronts and the weed. Anthony Anderson actually sings, and pretty well. Whoa! JC Chasez looks crazy -- like David Copperfield. The girl who I've since found out is indeed Brittany Snow, from some NBC show I've never seen. Sharon. Jack. Mike Myers. (Mike Myers? I guess they did his movie.) Triumph. And then: Jonathan friggin' Lipnicki, dressed like Vanilla Ice. Holy shit! See, I didn't want to ruin it before. He looks crazy! All lispy and awkward, with braces and a Mohawk and old woman sunglasses and a hood and a gold chain. Holy shit. (Now, in his defense, I dressed a little bit like that when I was in seventh grade. But then in my defense, I didn't have agents or managers telling me to step away from the mousse.) Anthony Anderson, singing his fucking talented heart out. Kelly. JC. Brittany Snow. Ozzy swearing. Tracy Morgan singing all soft and sweet. Not trying to be funny, but being funny, which is sort of his comedy M.O. Triumph. Rob Zombie. Mike Myers. Mewes. Anderson. Triumph, making a "Tony Danza sucks" joke. Timely. Kelly. JC, trying to really sing and failing. Brendan. Lola. Anthony Anderson. Triumph, this time a Cher joke. (Not everything rhymes with "poop.") Tracy Morgan. I'm so tired. So very tired. Mike Myers. Triumph. Lisp-nicki! Poor kid had to say "geese," a word that strikes fear into the lispy pubescents everywhere. Anthony Anderson. Kelly. Snow. Triumph. Poop jokes again. And Ozzy ends it. Wow. That was something amazing. Commercials.