Germany. Kelly and her friend are accosted by a Weird German Girl. She asks for an autograph. Then she asks Kelly to sing Papa Don't Preach. Kelly says she can't, but the girl insists. Finally, they try to leave, and the girl sings, "Papa, don't preach. I'm in trouble now." Hee. The bitchy Asian friend laughs this Maude laugh at the crazy German girl, as she and Kelly get out of there as quickly as possible.
Jack has to get up at 5:45 AM for the shoot. Morning. Jack's Helper wakes him up. Jack rolls over. Finally Jack gets up and gets dressed in wardrobe. He yawns on the way to the set. He sleeps backstage. He tells us he did a good job getting up today. Now Jack sits in a Mustang, sleeping in the backseat. Oh, that's part of the shoot. Okay. Where's the Beek? Seriously.
Kelly is now in a German car with someone, and she's bitching about being told not to swear or talk shit about people when she gets on the show. Good luck with that.
Jack on set. Big Blonde Pacey Girlfriend yells at Jack something about him claiming to have seen her naked. Jack swears a lot and then jumps out of the car, smiling at himself. He's wrapped, and everyone claps. Jack asks BBPG if she lives in L.A. "Yeah," she says, and then silence. It's probably edited this way, but it looks as if she totally snubs him. It's more fun to think that's what happened.
Germany. Top of the Pops. English girls backstage tells Kelly she'll be fine. Kelly is dressed up. She tells us Ozzy did the show thirty-one years ago. We see a clip of Ozzy performing. Wow. The show starts. They're cueing the "track." A flashpot goes off as the band pretends to play. Kelly swears, but then makes it on stage and begins lip-syncing like a pro.
Meanwhile…Malibu. Sharon and the dogs are out on the log. (But which side of the log?) Sharon asks Ozzy where he got the rocks. Hee. He then asks if they have their fishing poles at the house. They do. Ozzy asks if they have cheese, and then gets up. Sharon is asking what the hell he's doing.
Inside, Ozzy gets some cheese, and tells us that he's going to put the cheese on the hook. "Fish like cheese," he says, adding "…sometimes. Some fish like cheese." Yes! Best quote of the show, right there. Some random helper lady helps him with the cheese, and he jokes that he's going to catch a cold.
Now Ozzy stands in the waves, fishing. God. Someone hold him up. Oh, and there's his friend, grabbing him when waves come. Hee. Ozzy yells at the ocean, and then falls over. Sharon cackles.