Ozzy makes out with his Buddha. "I've got to learn Buddhism now." I get it. It's like people out here in L.A. and the Kabala. Spend the money, then learn what the hell you've gotten yourself into.

Sharon tells an interviewer that she loves doing a show every week. Isn't it a daily show? Seriously, I didn't even realize it was actually on. I thought it was a joke. Anyway, this kicks off The Montage of Sharon's Show! Whee! A staff meeting of four people listening to Sharon complain while an MTV-worthy song narrates in the background. "Clever" editing makes it look like Ozzy hangs up on Sharon when she asks him to co-host. More montaging and editing so it looks like Sharon spends days trying to talk Ozzy into doing her show.

Kelly trips over her Prada on the stairs and stubs her precious princess toe. She wails and falls and waits for someone to pick up what she dropped and carry her up the rest of the stupid stairs that she never asked to be put there anyway! She hates you! Fuck off!

Back in bed, where this show's main set is located, Ozzy and Sharon tease Kelly about her shaggy, stupid haircut. Kelly doesn't want to take her hair out of her face. Ozzy tells her she looks like she wants to sniff another dog's ass. He asks how old she's about to be. Kelly says she'll never get to grow up anyway, and when she's fifty they'll still make her live there. Oh, right. They're making you live there rent-free. Yeah, I know how that goes. More clever editing to make it look like Sharon brings up her show again, but notice we never see anyone say these lines, and they aren't really talking about anything, or they could be talking about a charity function that Ozzy just found out about and doesn't want to attend.

Ozzy tells "us" that Sharon always does this, just tells him little bits of information and never the entire story and then suddenly he's hoodwinked into doing something he wouldn't want to do, like stand in a bath of ice water with no clothes on. His words, not mine.

Back in bed, Sharon tells Ozzy it's up to him. Ozzy says off-camera that this is her fucking show. Sharon says that Ozzy can't leave her unescorted. Kelly tells her mother not to give her father a guilt trip. "Because you lie," she says. Sharon tells her daughter to shut up. She calls her a drama queen. Ozzy says he's always the one catching Sharon. Sharon pouts. "It's just me and my cancer." She doesn't say that, but kind of. Hey, does Sharon have eye-makeup tattooed on, or does she sleep in full eyeliner? Either way: ew. Ozzy says he'll come on the show.