The Osbournes
The Show Must Go Oz!

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Sharon Has a Show?

Statue.

Dog.

Jack tells Ozzy that it's the funniest thing that so many men have to lift the statue. Oh, it's fun when we hire cheap labor, isn't it? Ozzy is so impressed with the spectacle that he must curse. Why is this television? Ozzy, as if he heard my question, announces that this statue is a six-million-dollar Buddha. Wow. That man has way too much money. Ozzy walks around his house enjoying the way the word "Buddha" sounds when he says it. The exhausted men lower the Buddha in the backyard just in time for Ozzy to punchline, "I wanted it out in the front!" Crazy! Hey, but that's how it goes...

Ozzy makes out with his Buddha. "I've got to learn Buddhism now." I get it. It's like people out here in L.A. and the Kabala. Spend the money, then learn what the hell you've gotten yourself into.

Sharon tells an interviewer that she loves doing a show every week. Isn't it a daily show? Seriously, I didn't even realize it was actually on. I thought it was a joke. Anyway, this kicks off The Montage of Sharon's Show! Whee! A staff meeting of four people listening to Sharon complain while an MTV-worthy song narrates in the background. "Clever" editing makes it look like Ozzy hangs up on Sharon when she asks him to co-host. More montaging and editing so it looks like Sharon spends days trying to talk Ozzy into doing her show.

Kelly trips over her Prada on the stairs and stubs her precious princess toe. She wails and falls and waits for someone to pick up what she dropped and carry her up the rest of the stupid stairs that she never asked to be put there anyway! She hates you! Fuck off!

Back in bed, where this show's main set is located, Ozzy and Sharon tease Kelly about her shaggy, stupid haircut. Kelly doesn't want to take her hair out of her face. Ozzy tells her she looks like she wants to sniff another dog's ass. He asks how old she's about to be. Kelly says she'll never get to grow up anyway, and when she's fifty they'll still make her live there. Oh, right. They're making you live there rent-free. Yeah, I know how that goes. More clever editing to make it look like Sharon brings up her show again, but notice we never see anyone say these lines, and they aren't really talking about anything, or they could be talking about a charity function that Ozzy just found out about and doesn't want to attend.

Ozzy tells "us" that Sharon always does this, just tells him little bits of information and never the entire story and then suddenly he's hoodwinked into doing something he wouldn't want to do, like stand in a bath of ice water with no clothes on. His words, not mine.

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The Osbournes

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