Ozzy's still complaining as he gets his makeup. He's so unhappy. This is one pouty family. Nothing will console him.
Time to meet Mrs. Dockidoodledoo. Shannen hugs Sharon and tells her she looks amazing. Shannen either isn't dressed yet or is only wearing her nipple implants for today's show. Sharon takes this moment to learn Shannen's actual name. Sharon is dressed as Morticia Addams. Good thing they told me, or I might not have figured that out. I thought perhaps she was going as Elvira.
Dennis Rodman isn't as impressed with meeting Sharon. Sharon asks Dennis if he's having a wobbler today. "Are we having a little fit?" She asks Dennis if he's got some kind of problem and if he wants to fight. Dennis is unhappy with the way his Q rating has plummeted into obscurity over the years, and is about as stoked as Ozzy to be on the Sharon Osbourne show today. Sharon tells Dennis he's pissed off. I bet Dennis is pissed because they're covering his face in red makeup and dressing him like a bull or a devil or something. "What the fuck's the matter with you?" Sharon asks him a few times. Dennis decides quiet is better than slapping her across the face. He's pissy that he wasn't invited to Carmen's wedding so he can be in the somehow-more-interesting thirty minutes of this MTV programming hour. Dennis promises he'll put on a happy face once he's out in front of the cameras, and then she can ask him anything. Sharon says they'll go when he's ready and that she waits for him. She tells him to cheer up. She kisses Dennis on the cheek. Dennis is clearly counting seconds until he's out of there with a gift bag. Sharon tells him not to give her any shit out there.
Ozzy and Sharon kill some time in "Corinne" the cat's office. Corinne wishes Kelly was there to see them in costume. Man, no matter how many Osbournes they get, there's always a different one they want. Sharon says she looks like a drag queen. Sharon coos over how cute the dogs look in their costumes. One dog dances around its newly pooed poo. Take that, Corinne! Sharon says that Corrine will be furious, so they'd better "hide" the poo. Has this family ever disposed of dog shit properly? Corinne comes back in to fetch her tail while Sharon tries to hide the poo. She covers it in some of Corinne's documents that were just sitting on her desk, not doing anything. Then Sharon covers the poo with Corinne's birth certificate, wedding photo, purse, cell phone, toothbrush -- whatever she doesn't really need. Sharon crumples the poo inside whatever those documents were and hands it off to Thankless Task Man, who is always there and never speaks. Ozzy realizes that there's shit in that bundle of papers that used to belong to Corinne. Sharon dances around whining over the shit smell. This is what television has become. I weep. I weep. Thankless Task Man has no idea where to take the shit, because someone will see him, and certainly smell him, walking around with a pile of poo inside the TPS reports. Sharon's got shit on her hand. Shot of dog dressed as Ozzy. They decide to get out of there before Corinne gets back, but Ozzy finds another pile. This show doesn't have enough commercial breaks.
Sharon's show starts. Ozzy and Sharon take a seat. Sharon tells the audience to cheer for her husband and says she fibbed to him to get him here today. Ozzy doesn't understand. The remarkably unattractive crowd goes wild. Sharon once again says "Shannen Dockidee." In her green room, Shannen Dockidee takes a shit on the floor, as that's the only real way to get Sharon to notice her. Corinne, Sharon, and Ozzy say the word "Doherty" enough that it sounds as made-up as it is. Yay, Blooper Reel! Sharon fucks the name up again. They complain about the fog machine. If you've never been sitting in front of a fog machine, you don't know how terrible it is to breathe that stuff. I had the worst asthma attack of my life after getting blasted in the face with one of those things. Eventually Ozzy interrupts Sharon on-screen to say Shannen Doherty's name correctly. Ozzy screams "Trick or Treat!" and then tries to leave the set, thinking his work here is done. Ozzy's not used to working for more than three minutes and thirty seconds at a time.