The Osbournes

Episode Report Card
Stee: A+ | 277 USERS: C+
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Sharon discovers that a vase is broken. She starts swearing. The kids move their stuff in, and swear a lot about having lots of shit. Sharon keeps swearing. Sharon tells a TV guy that Ozzy likes anything like "the History Channel" and "the War Channel." Man, I don't think I get the War Channel. That would be awesome. Stupid Animal Planet. Now Ozzy sits trying to change the channel, and he's stuck on "The Weather Channel," and a cat sits next to him licking himself while Ozzy says, "What the fuck is that?" when something starts beeping. He goes over and finds a cell phone and picks it up like it's a bomb. Hee. Now the TV guy explains to us that most clients just figure out the big remotes themselves without written instructions. This is intercut with Ozzy swearing and trying to change the channel. He hits the thing and opens a Diet Coke while yelling for Jack to come help him. He says he's a very simple man and yells in his funny Beatles accent why can't they have a normal fucking TV. "Fucking space-age shit! Nightmare in Beverly Hills." Hee. Ozzy pours a Diet Coke as Jack tries to explain the remote to Ozzy, but it doesn't even work. He jokes that with all the buttons, the TV can give you a "fucking blowjob." He tells Jack to press the "blowjob" button. Hee. Ozzy plays with the cat. But then when Jack finds the History Channel and it's indeed about war, Ozzy instantly puts the cat down and pulls Jack in to his chest to watch with him, mesmerized. Man. This show rules.

The Osbournes

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