Back. House. Night. Kelly de-Sheedys her bag and runs to look in the minivan. She finds the gold card. Sharon is relieved. (Ozzy must be poor, because I have a platinum card!)
This new segment is called "Practice Makes Perfect." Ozzy, being driven to band practice, warns the camera guys that if they're coming in, they have to wear earplugs because the guitarist Zakk (don't email and correct me if I'm wrong about his name -- I don't care) plays "louder than fucking Satan." We see the band play as Sharon instructs us as to exactly what rehearsing is. Thanks, Sharon. Ozzy jumps up and down behind the mic. Then Sharon says he has to do the videos.
Ozzy is trying on women's clothing. Of course he is. People stand around as he tries on different stuff. Everyone laughs. Ozzy hugs someone. He tells us, talking with his mouth full, that he hates making videos, that most directors think they're making a "fucking major motion movie." Kelly explains that they're doing a Moulin Rouge sketch for some show. Maybe for the tour? I'm not sure. A costume chick puts garters on Ozzy, and then fake boobs. Kelly eats, voice-overing to us that she really doesn't want to go on tour; she'd rather stay at home and hang with her friends. Kelly pulls a thong off the rack and holds it up, wondering how far up her crack it would ride.
Now Ozzy is on set, in all sorts of different costumes, standing in front of a green screen. Doing a Miss Cleo thing, he tells us that this is "fucking stupid." Yes, it is. More make-up and costume changes. Wigs. Eyelashes. Ozzy mugs. More fake tits. They discuss how the nipples should point. Ozzy, sort of digging how he looks as a woman, tells us that he looks like a "Dark Side hooker." He fellates a banana and brays like a donkey. A Grim Director Chick tells him to make "lady noises." He squeaks, "Hello!" still holding the banana. The director rubs her face and mutters; man, I can't make out what she says. She takes the banana away from a reluctant Ozzy, saying that they have to fix his make-up. She yells, "Could we get the dildo in real fast?" Lord, how many times have I heard that. Ozzy does a spit take. Ozzy bitches about the things he does to make a living. The director bitches, "You!? You're a fucking millionaire." Ozzy grimaces, but then laughs, but then stops. Oh, she is so fired when Sharon hears about this.