Hey, yeah. So the Crazy Train is leaving the station one more time. Won't you come along? No? Please? C'mon, I don't want to do this alone. I mean, the initial spark of the show was overhyped right out of the thing about nine months and twenty magazine covers ago. So what do we do? Well, I guess we just sit back and enjoy the family for what they are -- and rejoice that we're not watching I'm With Busey.

The season opens with Ozzy and Sharon in the kitchen. Ozzy is whistling as Sharon deseeds an avocado and talks about what to do for Jack's seventeenth birthday --how it's not the big one but they still want to do something good. Ozzy keeps on whistling. Sharon says she thinks she's going to get him a watch. Ozzy whistling again. Now, the problem here is that it's in two separate shots and so obviously Ozzy was listening and whistling some other time and so they just created fake comedy with editing, which is very disingenuous and if you have half a brain you'll immediately know it's just a Boy With An Avid, and not "reality" or "funny." Yes, I know, editing is a huge part of crafting story in reality television, but generally things that didn't happen aren't just made up. Ozzy didn't whistle through Sharon's story. That did not happen. They just made you think that happened. Rise up! Don't be fooled!

All right, credits. You'd think they would have mixed it up a little, but it's the same credit sequence. That was one of the best things about The Cosby Show -- getting to see the new credit sequence every season. No one does that anymore. Friends sort of, but they're still using the same umbrella shots. By the way, the other night I came across a Red Shoe Diaries -- not that I'm prone to watching Zalman King late-night soft-core porn -- but anyway, it was starring a very young Matt LeBlanc. Try to find it some night. It's very funny to see Joey fucking some girl in an elevator. I wonder if he told the folks at Warner Bros. Casting about the gig before the hired him for Friend. I bet not. Oh, and I guess The Drew Carey Show does new credit sequences, but that's all rumor and hearsay for me since I've never actually watched an episode.

By the way, this episode is called "What A Boy Wants."

House. (Which I drove by, by the way. A few months ago. Visiting friends wanted to see it and we took them. I was ashamed, but I did it. Got a few photos. Yes, I'm a big dorky tourist.) Sharon sits getting her makeup done as Kelly sits around watching. Sharon makes Kelly say that she's hot and sexy, and then Sharon says, "Christina!" And Kelly says, "No, that's bad sexy. That's 'I walk on Hollywood & Vine.' That's not sexy at all." (For those not in the know -- she's calling Christina a hooker.) Kelly adds that there is a quote in Heat magazine from Kelly talking about Xtina (which I will from now on call her because I hate trying to spell her last name -- and I also think it's lame enough to be humorous) in which Kelly said that she thinks Xtina is one of the most awful human beings in the world -- that she has an amazing voice but that she's a fucking cunt, or something like that. Kelly says that she, herself, is such a bitch and Sharon says, just think, it all stems back from last Christmas...