The more gregarious of the women -- the other just gives a snotty-bitch look with the obligatory faux-friendly smile -- says that they just wanted to say hi and that every night they "say hello to the " and they so want to say "black guy," but Sharon saves them and says, as if he's a pet, "Michaelllllll." Michael smiles like he's watching Leno. The "girls" ask Sharon to walk with them sometime, and she says that she "should," meaning she never will, and then the bitchy one says that she told Michael they were Undercover Security and Michael asked to see I.D. and she said that she would no longer be undercover then! They all "laugh." Michael so wants to fucking shoot them both and then go inside and take a hot tub with Kelly. The lead lady tries to extend the stay by saying that she loves the trees Sharon has, and then goes on when there is no reaction that she has some at her place, adding that her yard is much bigger. Hee. She knows she fucked up, so she bails quickly; Sharon lies that she'll come walk with them sometime. Michael adds, "You ladies have a good walk," thinking, "Bitches, I could have killed you."
Now, out on the street, the ladies camera-talk -- the bitchy one simply staring into the lens trying to make love to the camera, since she hasn't made love to anything but the pool boy in three years -- about how it was "sweet" that Sharon came and talked to them. I guess the camera crew informs the ladies as to who lives there and they go, "Ozzy Osbourne " and the bitchy one asks if he used to eat raw meat and throw raw meat into the crowd. She keeps repeating, "Raw meat " like she needs some bad. She continues, "Doing wild things killing animals oh, god acid rock " and all the surgery and peels and therapy and hold-it-together mantras -- the intricately-constructed fictions she's created about her life in order to mask the pain -- begin to unravel just like that, right in front of our eyes. She desperately turns to her more gregarious and together friend: "Boy, I'm really dating myself." A sad stare. The friend is already mentally removing her phone number from her Palm Pilot. (Meanwhile, Sharon, on a different night, wearing a different outfit, walks inside with the cat and Lola.) "Boy, this really puts age on us," the leader replies. No, honey. Years passing with unfulfilled dreams and unrealized goals puts age on you.
Inside. Ozzy sits and asks the obviously pissed Kelly what's wrong. He gets up and follows her, asking if he's done something. She then explains that Aimee did it -- that she just got a call from some woman telling her how she should "prepare [her] vagina" for her gyno appointment. Kelly is having a wobbler, huffing that Aimee booked her a gynecologist appointment. "Tell her to book me a gynecologist appointment! I wouldn't mind," offers Ozzy, trying to help. Hee. Kelly says that she's out of her fucking mind, Aimee is -- that it's none of her business. Ozzy says that it's none of his business either and that he doesn't have a gynecologist, thank god. Melinda laughs at Ozzy's nonsense, bless her heart, but I suppose that's a big part of what she's paid for as she sure as hell isn't doing much to rein in the kids. Man, Kelly is in full-on snit mode. Ozzy says he'll go for Kelly, that he'll put on a dress. Melinda grabs him too familiarly for my taste and giggles, "You're so funny, Ozzy." Ew! Some fucking Poison Ivy shit going on right here. Ozzy thinks it's a practical joke, but Kelly says that Aimee was going to get her a dentist and a new car, as well as a gynecologist. She goes on, "Aimee. My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business." Fuck I am woman hear me roar!, My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business should be the new women's rights slogan. Ozzy says that she just needs to say, "Fuck off!" when the "vagina doctor" (hee!) calls, and say, "What kind of (beep) do you think I am?" Kelly goes on that now they stick a finger up your asshole, and "no one is sticking a finger up [her] asshole." Ozzy so wants to say that it can be really nice under the right circumstances -- and so does Melinda -- but they keep their mouths shut. Son Ozzy Hates is there too -- I don't remember his name. He kind looks like that singer from Staind. Ozzy makes a proctologist joke but no one laughs, and then asks Kelly if she learned about this from Sharon. No, it was Melinda. Melinda starts saying that she forgot about it and at the time she told Aimee it was a bad idea and Kelly wouldn't go anyway. Liar. Lying, husband-coveting nanny.