The Osbournes

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Stee: A+ | 498 USERS: B-
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A Rich English Snot Is A Person In Your Neighborhood

Night. The music continues. Sharon walks through the house swearing and then goes outside to the fence. Some dude sitting in the next backyard -- they have heat lamps out there and everything -- asks, "You have a problem?" Sharon goes on that why can't they understand that some people like to sleep. The dude's face is tiled out, as are his friends, and he's English. Fucking wanker, indeed. (We don't get to hear their reaction to this first piece of rational conversation -- we just have Sharon going on, which is a shame. I'd like to hear what their excuse could be.) Sharon goes on that it's 2 AM and they have a big house to go inside and hang out in. Every night, she goes on, with the music and their cocktails. We see about four or five people now in that yard. Jack is with Sharon now, and Sharon whispers, confused, that the neighbor said he was going to "beat Daddy up." I don't understand -- Sharon is a fucking beast when a reporter says something about Ozzy or asks an improper, in her mind, question. Why is she taking this and not just shooting them? The Wankers ask, "Sharon, are you still there, Sharon?" She replies that she is, calling them "darling." They ask to hear Sabbath louder, teasing. Sharon says that if they want to hear Sabbath and they want to beat up Ozzy Osbourne, they should come in, the front door is open. "Playing your awful middle-aged music for everyone to hear," she continues. They say something about having only been there for six weeks, and Sharon asks if they were the ones that wanted to beat them up. She calls them "big boys" and says that they said they were going to "kill" her husband and fight him "to the death." (I think this is an old incident they're all talking about, and the Wankers are claiming it wasn't them who lived there at the time.)

The Wankers say that Ozzy has been very nice, but she's been "difficult." One of them says that she sounds like the Wicked Witch of the East. "Darling, the Wicked Witch has nothing on me," she drawls. Good line. (All right, I have to say this: I fucking hate privileged rich kids. Nothing fucking worse. I'm sorry if you are one, but it's true. Fucking hate them. And yes, I hope some day to sire privileged rich kids, but I aim to not let them be spoiled shits. And yes, I also realize that poor people often make just as terrible neighbors, but there's something about these Wankers that makes me want to go pawn my old trumpet for a .45.) She keeps taunting them: "C'mon big boy. C'mere, cocky little Englishman." She goes on that they're little rich boys who live off Daddy's money. Hee. I wonder if that sort of talk is hurting Jack, who is really doing the same thing, when you think about it. (Kidding, Jack. Call me!) Lead Wanker says that most people think she's nuts, but he happens to think she has some sense, and he wishes they could get along and be allies since they're neighbors. Sure, then turn the fucking music down, shitbag. (Hey, I just also have to say this. If you're reading this, I want you to stop and think and be honest with yourself for a second. Are you shitty neighbors? Do you blast music loud after 10 PM or come home wasted at 2 AM with all your friends and bang around and annoy people? Then stop. Just stop. Open your eyes and realize the world is bigger than you, and your neighbors deserve to live in peace and not wonder when they're going to be woken up by you. Okay, thanks.) The Lead Wanker goes on that everyone in his family thinks they should have a war with her -- not Ozzy, they all respect him and what he's done with his career and the kids are great -- it's just her. (I wish I could know the whole story, because something else is going on here. If it weren't for the loud music at 2 AM, I'd be tempted to think he's making a little bit of sense, but without the whole story it's hard to judge them as anything but shithole neighbors.) We keep seeing Sharon and Jack listening. Sharon looks alternately amused and then bummed. They don't understand why Sharon is doing this to them. (What?) Sharon tells him to come over for a cup of tea and a biscuit. They laugh, and then he says he'd be glad to. They'll meet tomorrow, they decide. (He'll never show.) Sharon says something about his "wife" and the crosses on their door; she lies that they're very religious and the neighbors will have to come at noon before the family go to church. (She has no idea when church even is.) Sharon makes a face.

The Osbournes

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