The Wankers say that Ozzy has been very nice, but she's been "difficult." One of them says that she sounds like the Wicked Witch of the East. "Darling, the Wicked Witch has nothing on me," she drawls. Good line. (All right, I have to say this: I fucking hate privileged rich kids. Nothing fucking worse. I'm sorry if you are one, but it's true. Fucking hate them. And yes, I hope some day to sire privileged rich kids, but I aim to not let them be spoiled shits. And yes, I also realize that poor people often make just as terrible neighbors, but there's something about these Wankers that makes me want to go pawn my old trumpet for a .45.) She keeps taunting them: "C'mon big boy. C'mere, cocky little Englishman." She goes on that they're little rich boys who live off Daddy's money. Hee. I wonder if that sort of talk is hurting Jack, who is really doing the same thing, when you think about it. (Kidding, Jack. Call me!) Lead Wanker says that most people think she's nuts, but he happens to think she has some sense, and he wishes they could get along and be allies since they're neighbors. Sure, then turn the fucking music down, shitbag. (Hey, I just also have to say this. If you're reading this, I want you to stop and think and be honest with yourself for a second. Are you shitty neighbors? Do you blast music loud after 10 PM or come home wasted at 2 AM with all your friends and bang around and annoy people? Then stop. Just stop. Open your eyes and realize the world is bigger than you, and your neighbors deserve to live in peace and not wonder when they're going to be woken up by you. Okay, thanks.) The Lead Wanker goes on that everyone in his family thinks they should have a war with her -- not Ozzy, they all respect him and what he's done with his career and the kids are great -- it's just her. (I wish I could know the whole story, because something else is going on here. If it weren't for the loud music at 2 AM, I'd be tempted to think he's making a little bit of sense, but without the whole story it's hard to judge them as anything but shithole neighbors.) We keep seeing Sharon and Jack listening. Sharon looks alternately amused and then bummed. They don't understand why Sharon is doing this to them. (What?) Sharon tells him to come over for a cup of tea and a biscuit. They laugh, and then he says he'd be glad to. They'll meet tomorrow, they decide. (He'll never show.) Sharon says something about his "wife" and the crosses on their door; she lies that they're very religious and the neighbors will have to come at noon before the family go to church. (She has no idea when church even is.) Sharon makes a face.
Inside now. I think Sharon is upset. She talks to Kelly about it, saying that she didn't quite ask them nicely to be quiet, but rather said, "Shut the fuck up you middle-aged something-or-others." She repeats that they heard Ozzy was okay but that she was a lunatic. Kelly says that they play "The Girl From Ikaniba," totally fucking up the title of the Stan Getz song. Hee. Kelly talks on, burping in the middle of speaking, that it's one thing to play music at six or ten, but 2:15 AM is a bit excessive. Sharon laughs that she said she was going to church at one, and says that the Wankers were staying stuff about crosses on their doors and Black Sabbath, and Kelly says that Ozzy wrote that music and worked for those crosses on the doors so fuck off. The gay dog sleeps on Kelly's shoulder. Hee. Sharon says she hates that "small-mindedness," and that when the Lead Wanker comes over tomorrow she wants to hold him down and piss on his head. Ew. She goes on that when she said he doesn't work and just lives off Daddy's money, he didn't say one fucking word. Kelly says he drives an obnoxious car. "Puss is cleaning Gus Gus," they say, stopping to watch the two cats. Sharon says that the cats love each other. Kelly then changes the subject, recounting, horrified, that the valet guy farted in her car! Sharon says she hates that. Is this, like, a major problem in Beverly Hills? Kelly says she screamed and told the head valet, and he apologized, and she said, "No, it's disgusting." (It's great that they don't recognize the irony of bitching about rich kids not working and being spoiled, and then Kelly complains how the valet guy farted in her car. It's just brilliant.) Sharon says that she's going to wear these fake bad teeth she puts in when he comes over tomorrow. She says, "Hello, would you like some tea?"