This is an aside, so you can just skip it if you want to get right to the recap. If not, read on. So, last Sunday I'm all ready to tape The Practice, happily jotting down nasty quips in my notebook and listening to my boyfriend complain, loudly, about the ridiculous storylines, until the tape stopped. Dead. In the middle of the episode. In a panic, I call Sars, who tells me to call Manimal on the west coast because she recaps Alias. Manimal (who totally rocks, by the way) tapes the episode for me because my VCR crapped out. Ah, relief. She finishes her own recap and does me a huge favour by dropping the package at Fed Ex. Only the dope behind the counter tells her that filling out a form for "domestic" packages will work fine when sending a package to Canada. In Manimal's words, they forgot about "that whole other country thing." Because we haven't been assimilated in the U.S. just yet. I make a note to self: The people at Fed Ex are idiots, Tom Hanks or no Tom Hanks. Any. Way. The package gets sent back to the west coast. So, now it's Thursday and I need to have my recap done by Sunday. And I still have no tape. So, I call our local network and make up some bullcrap story about being a writer doing a story about the history of the law in popular television. Surprisingly, they agree to send me the dub -- if they have time. Friday. The tape from the west coast won't arrive until at least Monday. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. And then at 4 PM on Friday, the tape arrives from the network. Hurrah! Thank you Manimal for your valiant efforts to help, despite the stupidity of Fed Ex. Thank you Sars for keeping me calm during the last few days when I've been in a panic. And still, I can blame all of this on DEK -- because it's really his fault anyway. Damn you, DEK! Damn you!
Emperor Rod's Office. Bobby explains to his client, Katie Dafoe -- played by Gabrielle Anwar, the actress who will forever be known as "the girl who danced the tango with Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman" -- that the videotape does look like her and that will hurt their case. Jimmy "The Lump" Berluti says the good news is that the videotape is only from the side and the back; the face isn't visible. Katie: "Why is that good news, Jimmy? If the face were visible the jury would know it wasn't me." Stunned by both her outburst and her beauty, Jimmy mumbles, "Yeah. Right." Emperor Rod asks if Katie is ready. She whines, "Is a person ever ready to stand trial for murder?" He grabs her hand. She smiles lovingly at him. Ragdoll rolls her eyes. Bobby whisper-talks: "We're going to get through this." Said the noble knight to the fairy princess who looks like an adult film star with her inflated lips and long brown hair. Ah, Katie knows, and she's okay. Bobby: "Are you sure?" Yes. He advises her to go home and get a good night's sleep because the circus starts tomorrow. Upon arising from the couch, Katie embraces the Emperor. It's a solid hug. She wraps herself right around him like Mary Katherine Gallagher hugging a tree in Superstar. Jimmy is made uncomfortable by this outburst of played-up affection. A Serenade Of Superficial Emotions twinkles. It loves a good fake hug. Bobby smiles and smells her pretty hair.
Rod has his coat on and carries his briefcase. He walks past Jimmy toward the front door and says, "Okay. See you tomorrow." Jimmy stops him and asks, "You don't think we should be cutting a deal here?" No way. There's no deal to be had. They'd get manslaughter at best, which is out of the question. Jimmy: "Why is it out of the question? They've got motive, forensics put her at the scene and that videotape gave them timing." The Lump's red tie is very festive. Rod admits that the case got tougher, but he's not willing to accept a homicide conviction, not now, not ever. He's steadfast, that Rod. He stands tall and straight. Yawn. Jimmy asks if he really thinks Katie is innocent. Hell, not only does he think so, he knows so -- she is innocent. Jimmy's internal monologue screams, "You aren't thinking with your head. You're thinking with your heart." Or some other part of his body that I'm not going to mention here. This recap is G-rated.