The Practice
Eyewitness

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A wolf in sheep's clothing

Suffering County Courthouse. Ellenor is walking down the hallway with Scott Cohen. Ah, it's so nice to have a hint of a good show waft its way into the hallow halls of this sound stage. Scott Cohen is such a good guest star. He kicks ass on Gilmore Girls and he was amazing as Denby on NYPD Blue. He might look better with less Brylcreme in his hair, though. Any. Way. He's not budging with respect to Maynard. "Come on, Ellenor, collared three times in six months, my heart's not exactly bleeding." They were minor shoplifting "beefs." That's exactly what Ellenor says -- "beefs." Just roll with it -- the trick on this show is to talk so fast that the audience catches only the drift and not the details. That way, we never realize how utterly ridiculous the conversations are. Blah pressure from upstairs, blah make an example, blah don't make it with Maynard blah. Ellenor: "His biggest crime is being stupid. He's a sweet kid." Yes. Scott knows. They're all sweet kids. "Come on!" Ellenor cajoles him. "Our relationship has to count for something?" Scott tells her to come by his office and they'll try to work something out. See? Ellenor calls him sweet. Scott blushes. Ah, isn't that cute, not.

Suffering County Courthouse. Emily "The Eyewitness" Coyne is on the stand, explaining what happened the night her husband was murdered. The couple had finished dinner and they were walking to their car. A man ran across the street. Emily noticed he had a gun. Then he asked for their wallets and their jewelry. Helen: "What happened next, Mrs. Coyne?" Emily: "Trevor took a step in front of me." Pause. The music starts up as the camera inches closer and closer to Emily's face. "He didn't even realize he'd done it." Helen: "Then what happened?" Well, she heard a shot; then she saw fire shoot out of the gun, and she was covered with blood. She heard her husband scream. "What did your attacker do?" Emily responds by stating that he stood there "like he was frozen" for a few seconds. Then he ran off. Helen wants to know if Emily got a good look at her attacker's face. Yes. He was only ten feet away. Is he in the courtroom? Emily points to Miguel and says, "That's him. The defendant." Are you positive? Yes. "That's the man." Knowing glances from the judge to the defendant. Pow! Pow! Powerful.

The music winds down in time for Lindsay to cross-examine the witness. She gets up and says, "It was dark." Mrs. Coyne doesn't want for Lindsay to ask a further question, saying bluntly, "There were street lamps." How far away was the nearest street lamp? Thirty feet. Lindsay: "The police say fifty feet." Emily counters by stating, "There was enough light for me to see, Ms. Dole." Did she see the gun? Yes, very clearly. It was a small silver pistol with a black handle. What was he wearing? Blah dee blah dark jacket, blah dee blah jeans blah. More specific questions about the night, blah Lindsay make a point please blah. Right. Was she scared? Emily doesn't answer that question; she's doing her own cross-examination. "It was that man." Are you sure? Blah. She doesn't need to think about it. "That's him." Lindsay is confused. In the police line-up, she needed to think about the identification for almost a minute. How come Emily is so sure today? Mrs. Coyne explains that she wanted to be positive. Lindsay breaks it down for Mrs. Coyne. She runs through the whole "eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable" crap again. There is a difference between Miguel being the shooter and Miguel simply being the man Emily identified that day in the line-up. Lindsay wants to know if it's possible that Emily is so sure because she saw Miguel at the cop shop, and not because he shot her husband. "No." Not what Lindsay was looking for, because she asks again: "Not even possible?" No. Lindsay tries everything, blah did the D.A. tell you to be unequivocal blah. No. You've got to hand it to Emily Coyne; she totally holds it together on the stand. Lindsay clings to an incongruent fact: Emily forgot the shooter had a goatee. Because all bad guys have facial hair on this show. Come on -- Emily could remember the clothes, the gun, but not the hair on the kid's face? For the hundredth time, in case we didn't get it the first ninety-nine times, Lindsay regurgitates the whole "it could be possible you're wrong" thing, but Mrs. Coyne says it's not possible. Then Lindsay faces the jury and says, "Thank you. You certainly weren't equivocal here." Huh? Blah show for the jury blah. As Lindsay walks back to her table, she notices Rev. Crane in the back of the courtroom, watching the proceedings. The Drama Of The Deity plays out as we pause for a second on the judge before heading out of this scene.

Mitchell Wheeler's Office. Ellenor is trying to convince hottie Scott Cohen, or "Mitchell Wheeler," that he should cut a deal for Maynard. First, Ellenor plays the "we've been friends forever" card. Next, she plays the "school of hard knocks" card. Finally, she plays the "give the kid a break" card. Mitchell turns around with a file in his hand to face Ellenor and says, "And what do I tell my superiors?" Pause. Ellenor takes a deep breath and responds, "That you did the right thing!" She continues to try to get a good deal for Maynard; blah if he gets caught again, blah she'll throw the book at him too blah. Mitchell: "Ellenor. He saying he didn't realize the stereo was under his jacket. He's a liar." He forces Ellenor to "go the favour bank" on this case. Which is different from all the other cases in what way? Ellenor: "I will give you anything." Mitchell perks up and smirks: "Anything?" They are both smiling. Not like the "Jimmy Fallon bursting out into laughter in the middle of every single skit" kind of smile, but smiling nonetheless. Ellenor: "Why do you say it like that, come on, what do you want." Mitchell swivels in his chair for a minute and says suggestively, "Take off your shirt." He's cheeky, this guest star. Ellenor says, "Very funny. Come on." Well, it turns out that Mitchell can't help Ellenor, even though he wishes he could. She turns dour for a moment, puts her hand on her hip, and says, "Were you serious just now, when you asked me to take off my shirt?" Mitchell steps around his desk while talking, blah they go way back, blah but that doesn't mean that she knows everything about him blah. Ellenor takes the bait: "Such as?" Well, he's attracted to Ellenor. She responds by reminding him that he's married. He laughs -- well, guffaws really -- in response: "I know. I would never cheat on Margie." His, ahem, heart belongs to her, but his other organ, well, that's completely up for grabs, apparently. Mitchell sits back down. He explains that he can't really help Maynard, but, um, if something were to happen with Ellenor, well, then Mitchell would try to be especially, ahem, um, fair. Insert innuendo here. Even when Scott Cohen is being really slimy, he's still extremely cute. It's that sort of slinky smile that gets you. Ellenor lays it out in plain English: "So if I have sex with you, you'll cut a deal." Mitchell giggles. He's shocked that she would get that impression, however accurate it might be. Ellenor stands there looking stunned. Aw, come on, Ellenor -- he's so cute. I know, I know, officer of the court, improper sexual advance, blah. But dude, he almost married Lorelai Gilmore -- that's some prime television bootie. Blah improper advance blah.

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