Someone dry-roasting me, salting me, and then rolling me on a spit would be less painful than having to listen to these damn credits.
The Firm Of Unrelenting Pain. Eugene busts out of his office and hollers, "Jimmy!" Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. "Michaelson?" Jimmy "The Lump" Berluti puts his hand forward, an attempt to ward off Eugene I'm sure, and informs his senior partner that he's worked out an installment plan. Eugene: "I know this, but his first payment was due last Friday." The Lump says he'll call him. Eugene says he'd appreciate it if Jimmy would "call him today." His associate nods in fake "I'm scared of you so I'll do what you say" agreement. The door opens, and a tallish woman with a severe French roll hairdo slams her way into the office. An extremely misdressed Lucy wanders over as the woman insists she's here to see Robert Donnell. The woman is wearing Jackie O pearls and a black pseudo-Chanel suit. Lucy must look confused, because the Lady in Pearls steps forward and says, "Kate Littlefield." Oh! Yes, The Emperor Rod is expecting her, and does she want any coffee or anything? As Lucy leads Littlefield into Bobby's office, Jimmy posits, "I'll bet she's stopped some traffic once or twice." Whatever. The woman looks as cold as the fish they sell on the streets down in Chinatown. A surprisingly mobile Rebecca asks, "Who is she -- " Rebecca is interrupted by Ellenor falling into the shot, exclaiming, "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!" Rebecca lunges forward: "Are you okay?" Ellenor holds her stomach: "Yeah. But that was no kick, though." Eugene pipes in: "Are you all right?" Ellenor nods and makes her way over to her desk to rest.
Bobby's Office Of Freedom From Pain. Kate Littlefield thanks Bobby for meeting with her, then she explains that her husband is "Raymond Littlefield," and I half expect her to add, "Of the Boston Littlefields." This woman looks strikingly like Victoria Principal, as Carole pointed out in the forums. So, I'm going to call her Non-Victoria Non-Principal; she doesn't know if Bobby reads the papers or not, but her husband has been charged with murdering her daughter. She pauses: "But he didn't do it." The Emperor just sits there with his mouth slightly agape. It's not an attractive look for Bobby. He catches the drool about to land on the floor like the kid in that horrible Adam Sandler film Big Daddy, and clarifies: "Your daughter, so his stepdaughter?" Yes. Correct. "Our attorney, who I consider to be excellent, well, I'm convinced he no longer believes in my husband's innocence." Blah dee blah it's not a good idea to go into trial with a lawyer who thinks you're guilty blah. Bobby's hands jump to attention: "May I stop you?" The hands move around like spawning salmon: "For the most part, the lawyer's personal belief about his client's guilt or innocence, it rarely matters much." What? Kate Littlefield is taken aback: "You don't care?" Welcome to Emperor's Ethics 101, lady; get used to it. Of course he doesn't care. He's The Emperor; he only cares about himself. Where have you been all these months? Strangely, both actors are alliterating insanely well in this scene, and I feel every consonant, every vowel, hitting my face like snow in January. Mrs. Littlefield thinks that lawyers perform better when they believe in their clients. Good point. Bobby shuffles in his seat, shifts his weight from cheek to cheek, and responds, "Tell me about the case." He leans forward: "I've. Read. A. Little. But." Honestly, I don't understand why they are talking like robots. Anyway, her daughter was bludgeoned last October. The Waltz Of The Non-Wilting Mothers rises up and into the moment. Some of the daughter's blood was found on one of Raymond's golf clubs. Bobby asks if that's the extent of the evidence. Non-Victoria Non-Principal responds, "That and they claim he had an affair with her." But he didn't do that either. Bong. Bong.
Ellenor's Desk of Slight, But Still Manageable, Pain. Eugene asks if it's getting worse. Ellenor takes a deep breath: "It's not sharp but it's not going away either." He wants her to go to the doctor "just to be safe." She pauses and then nods her head slightly: "That's a good idea." Lucy looks woefully after the two as they get up to leave the office. I think she was attempting to look worried, but the look just didn't come out right. Damn, that's what happens when you hire a twenty-year-old actress to play a wisecracking receptionist and then attempt to "flesh out" her character.