The Practice
Poor Richard's Almanac

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Evil comes out on top

Cut to Judge’s Chambers. Where, of course, everyone is arguing about the “alibi” witness. The two sides find a compromise. Bobby’s side argues that their client has the right to put on a defense. Richard’s side claims that this short notice has left them ill-prepared. Team Firm proposes that the DA’s office interview the witness for discovery outside the presence of the jury. Team DA wants to reserve the right for exclusion if the witness’s story needs further investigation. Well, it looks like Jackie’s caught a break with this one; the judge agrees to let the witness testify in closed court.

Back to The Witness Room Where Jackie Heralds His Pain. The client is not pleased with the fact that his alibi gets “bitten” by the prosecution. Bobby snits some more about the surprise nature of this story, opening his hands like he’s lying in baptismal waters. Jackie wants to know if there’s a new offer on the table. He thinks, by the mere fact that this “alibi” exists, that the DA should be fawning all over him. Ellenor: “I don’t think you grasp this particular DA, Jackie. Richard Bay isn’t just being good. He is pathologically competitive. He’d want you to get life even if you were innocent.” Jackie reasserts that he is innocent. Sure you are, Jackie. Sure, we believe you. Okay, no. No, we don’t. Bobby explains how the testimony is going to work. If the witness checks out, the prosecution will need a continuance to prepare. If the witness doesn’t check out, then the trial will simply pick up where it left off. Ellenor wants to know how “airtight” Jackie’s alibi actually is.

Courtroom Of Alibi-Bye-Pain. The room looks very, very empty without all the fake court reporters, jurors, and strange people in attendance. A fellow who looks somewhat out of place on the set of The Practice is sitting on the stand. This fellow would perhaps be more comfortable sitting in the Bada Bing. In fact, this is a fellow who takes "stereotype" to a whole new level. Apparently, Jackie was at his bar the whole afternoon. Richard asks, “And he never left?” Alibi With Attitude claims that Jackie was never out of his sight. While he was serving, Mr. Cahill was “doing the books.” Richard wants to clarify whose bar it is, Alibi With Attitude’s or Jackie’s. AWA’s name is on the liquor license, but Jackie is an investor. See, clear as mud. Richard asks how AWA came to testify. After pointing at Jackie and then at himself, AWA says he came down of his own volition -- he just wanted to help. Yawn. We all know where this is heading. Richard wants to know why he didn’t come forward sooner. AWA explains about the outstanding warrant in New York. So, as Richard sums up, AWA would rather testify and go to jail then see Jackie sent down for murder. AWA is simply a Good Samaritan. Right. Richard wants to know if there are other witnesses, someone else at the bar that might have seen Jackie or the AWA. This question stumps AWA. Then the DA wants to see the books Jackie was working on, and as The Blitz Of Bogus Stories bums the D-Fence right out, AWA claims he “lost them.” A-ha! Crescendo! Wagging fingers of defeat. And at this time, the prosecution has absolutely no problem with the witness. Jackie, dude, you should have made sure the AWA at least got his story straight before you dragged him out.

In The Witness Room Where Criminals Lie About Pain, Bobby exclaims, “We can’t put him up there.” Jackie fumbles around a bit, claiming that AWA is still an alibi and that they can’t prove he’s lying. Except that whole part, well, you know, where he lied and all. Ellenor says they wouldn’t have to prove AWA is a liar because he walks, talks, even smells like dishonesty. By putting him on the stand, they’d be handing the verdict over to the prosecution. Jackie whines, “Why the hell didn’t you protect him?” Man. This character expects a lot from his lawyers. He expects them to pull a rabbit out of a hat and a defense out of their asses. Bobby explains that the questions Richard asked in there weren’t objectionable. Then he says he thinks they should consider the deal. Jackie roars, and I mean ROARS, “No-o-o-o-o-o-o!” It’s like he’s about to be devoured by a giant asteroid. Bobby screams something about them being trapped in corner and having no options. Jackie yells back that he wants them to “Plan B” someone. With his hands flailing around like kites on speed, Bobby screams, “We cannot win this case.” Jackie and his Symphony Of Stupid Shootings sit down. He takes a deep breath. Then he says he’ll think about taking the deal. For some reason, Ellenor feels it is necessary to add an addendum to the conversation: “You think we don’t like you.” Pause. “Which is true. You think because we don’t like you we are not doing everything we possibly can. Which is not true.” Jackie grudgingly calms down for a minute.

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The Practice

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