Cut to Helen questioning the cop: "How long after you got the call did you find him?" About an hour; there's a back alley behind Washington, it isn't lit, and the cop decided to check it out. He "heard some activity" by a large dumpster. He headed over that way and saw the defendant "engaged in sexual intercourse with a nude female body." Yuck. ["There must be some kind of special Emmy for the writer who manages to gratuitously incorporate necrophilia the greatest number of times." -- deborah] Cop Mark ordered him off, cuffed him, and then checked on the woman, which is when he discovered she was dead. Creepy. Helen: "Can you tell me whether the body was warm or cold?" It was still warm. Oh, that poor girl. But still -- gross, DEK, really really gross. Eugene: "She was dead when you got there?" Cop Mark believes so. "Did you see my client kill her?" No. Cop Mark starts to ramble about how she couldn't have been dead for very long, but Eugene puts paid to that with, "Excuse me. Did you see my client kill her?" Here I would have objected "asked and answered" since Cop Mark already responded. "Any thumb- or fingerprints or bruised indentations that matched my client?" Hey, Helen's not doing her job, so I'll just object for her: "Objection -- he's not a forensic specialist." Anyway. I'll just have my own personal trial here on my plaid couch. "You also noted that the body smelled like garbage. Any idea how she might have gotten that smell?" Ah, duh, she was probably in the dumpster. Thank you, officer.
Fancy Restaurant. Let's call it "The Special Set." Helen, Bobby, Lindsay, and Eugene are all having dinner together. Helen is holding her fork really strangely with her entire fist wrapped around it; I hope she doesn't use those manners around Jack Nicholson. "I think she was hiding in the dumpster to get away from him." Lindsay wonders why doesn't she argue that. "I can't prove it," she muses, adding, "this steak is so tough!" Well, it'd be easier to cut a) if it was real and b) if you'd hold your fork and knife like a normal person. ["Cheap shot time: It may be due to a lack of familiarity with the implements of eating." -- deborah] ["Word to that." -- Sars] "You guys set a date yet?" Lindsay responds with a nauseating smile on her face: "June 17th! The invitations should arrive next week." Then Helen starts in on some baby thing and Lindsay getting pregnant and it's all so ridiculous I can't even believe I'm typing it. Helen continues, "Let me ask you guys something: a wedding, a baby? I mean how do you take these cases and then go home?" Let's just call this entire scene "Helen acting like an ass and putting her foot in her mouth." "The judge assigned it, Helen," Eugene explains, snapping, "I'm sick of people asking that question; it's a stupid question." The Eugene's A Tortured Soul theme comes up as he goes on, "We get it every where we go, and I don't expect to be getting it from a DA. Especially when we're supposed to be having a nice dinner with friends." "Eugene!" Bobby admonishes him. "Okay," Helen says, "sorry." Eugene takes a drink of water and then follows the crescendo of the music out the door, leaving Bobby with the cheque and the girls looking deep into their plates. Hey, haven't we seen this all before? Is Eugene tortured? Are we really going to go through this all over again? ["I say DEK is going to steal the idea I posted on MBTV months ago about how Eugene should leave DYD&F and go work for the DA's office." -- deborah]
We return to the courthouse after the break. Eugene "Calgon Take Me Away" Young and Lindsay are sitting with their client. I guess he doesn't smell anymore. "This eyewitness is pretty much their whole case, so --" She's interrupted by Alex claiming that the eyewitness is a liar, and that if Two-Two hadn't found "her" first, the eyewitness would have been sexing up the poor girl himself. Only he describes the sexual act as "taking his poke" and lets the lawyers know that they can "quote him on that." Charming. Now back in your box, asshole. "I don't believe I will," Lindsay snarks. Eugene: "Alex. We need facts about Mr. Bicks." He's a liar. He repeats again that the other man has never told the truth in his whole life. "Yes --" Eugene's interrupted by Lindsay, who feels that she doesn't do enough of the talking: "Yes. But can you give us specifics of his lying?" Alex is agitated: "He's lying about this! Right here!" He makes his finger into a pointy gun and throws his own hand toward the table. "He's lying about this," makes the gesture again, "I was never with that girl alive." You can tell that Lindsay isn't convinced as she walks to open the door to the client room, "Okay. We'll see you in the courtroom." Alex Two-Two continues to make the strange gesture and mumble, "He's lying about this, he's lying about this," as he gets up to join the guard. Eugene is just sitting at the table; I'm sure he's pissed at Lindsay, and who wouldn't be -- I hate how she always has to run the show. She returns to the table: "We could go with that, Eugene. That the eyewitness is motivated by jealousy because he didn't get to 'take his poke' [when she says "poke," she makes quotation marks in the air with her fingers] at the corpse." Eugene is shuffling his papers: "Does this seem funny to you?" Lindsay is taken aback: "No, no! I'm just trying to remember certain words of advice that I got from senior counsel when I started practicing -- in some cases, a sense of humour is the only thing that will get you through." Well, here's another piece of advice from Eugene: "Shut the hell up, you spoiled, Bobby-loving idiot." Okay, maybe he doesn't tell her to shut up; maybe he just lets her know that sooner or later you're going to lose your sense of humour. Her excellent female intuition leads Lindsay to wonder what she's missing. "Maybe I'm getting sick of it?" he insists. And again, her prodigious female intuition tells Lindsay that that's not the whole story, which he admits: "Sharon and I split again." The music imitating Eugene's broken heart comes up. Without a shred, and I mean a shred, of sympathy in her voice, Lindsay shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry. When?" Three days ago. "Kendall asked me the same question Helen did last night and I couldn't answer him. Then she asked me later, and we got into this big fight, and here I am." Again, with the tact of a ten-tonne truck, Lindsay interjects: "Look, I can handle this case alone --" Suggesting what, that Eugene can't? ["And it's not like he's first chair or anything." -- deborah] He's pissed: "I'm going to win, Lindsay. Make no mistake about that. We'd better get in." Again the music follows as Eugene leaves Lindsay behind stewing about her crater-sized incapacity for sympathy.
Kittleson's Courtroom. The mystery eyewitness is on the stand giving his testimony. He states that he saw the defendant with the woman at around eight-thirty at night. He assumes that Alex was asking her for money. Helen asks if they were arguing. The witness responds that no, in fact, Hillary Brennan was smiling. The DA does the whole "we need to repeat the facts three times just to make the jury understand" trick, and then Eugene questions the witness. "What were you doing on the streets at eight-thirty, Mr. Bicks?" He was soliciting clients. That is, he was panhandling. Eugene asks if he lives on the streets. Mr. Bicks responds that yes, in fact, he does live on the streets. "Did the prosecution buy those clothes you're wearing right now?" Helen objects to this. Eugene makes the argument that the witness's demeanor is an aspect of the prosecution's case, and that they have purchased an aspect of said demeanor. Helen snorts, "And exactly where did the defendant's outfit come from?" Eugene retorts that it was supplied by a charity dedicated to helping people wrongly accused of crimes. "Objection! Move to strike!" Helen "Stone Cold" Gamble screams, causing Judge Beautiful to step in and instruct the jury to pay no attention to the witnesses' clothes. The defense atto