Because, obvs, it's like WEDGIE MACHINE!!!! Shots of the boys strung up on their harnesses. Derek interviews that the harnesses around their thighs are really tight, and he can't feel his legs. The boys hang there like a fucking bunch of prosciuttos, start pulling their ropes and just as one of the barrels EXPLODES we cut to commercial, so have to wait like 45 seconds to find out which one of them ascended to Ham Heaven.
It's Derek. Derek's out. He shows that he, too, has a sensitive understanding of American military history: he thinks the exploding barrel is like a "mini atomic bomb." Second round. Landon interviews about how difficult the challenge is. The girls run away from the mini atomic bomb, hiding behind the cardboard cutout tribal pillars and screaming "Eeeee!" Dunbar goes out next. Third round, MJ's out, saying that he couldn't breathe any longer with his ham hocks stuffed into those sausage-casing harnesses. Evan shout-interviews that he feels like a piñata having its ass kicked by the world. He can't breathe and can't feel his legs. Air horn. Evan isn't even trying, and asks to be cut down. Teej decrees that it shall be so and Evan plunges to the water. Aneesa asks if he's okay and he doesn't respond. Watching this, part of you is like "Well, nothing to worry about, there are no professionals rushing to the scene but... wait a minute. This is MTV. Maybe I should be nervous?" Then you remember it's Evan. Complicated thought processes all around. Thank you, Challenge, for helping me exercise my brain. Diem interviews that the girls are getting, like, really scared if the boys are having such a hard time in these harnesses, apparently not understanding things like weight and gravity and the fact that MTV didn't shell out for the XXXL Steroid Thigh-size harness.
Brad interviews that he's getting fatigued and can't feel anything below his waist. OH I GET IT NOW! MTV is doing some weird Francis Galton shit and trying to get all eugenic on these people, trying to weed them out of humanity. Okay, then! Mark is out and it comes down to Brad and Landon. Well, everyone wins, since this means at least one of them will continue to stick around. Ultimately, even though Tori very helpfully spins her head around a few dozen times in spousal support, Brad loses. Landon wins! Cuddles for everyone!!!!
The girls go. Diem is scared of heights. They start, and Paula is the first to go. Evan says that he really likes watching these girls hump the air. There's a website for that, Evan. My girl, Jenn is out next. Tori begs to get cut loose. Rachel interviews that Tori isn't as tough as she wants to appear. Rachel, you apparently weren't privy to Tori's face mask sobbing to Brad the other week. Aneesa's out next, then Diem, who hits the water really hard, bobs up and kind of crying that it hurt, all for the amusement of the boys on the sidelines that laugh at her. It's down to Rachel and Brittini. Lots of drawn out interviewing about how each thinks the other is going DOWN, and then we cut to commercial.