Real World - Road Rules Challenge
Down to the Wire

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Drunken Bee: C | Grade It Now!
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Johnny Bananas Doesn't Matter in Real Life

We open on Johnny declaring that his ass is "higher and tighter" whereas Kenny's is "loose and weird." Loose-Ass Kenny suggests that he, Johnny and Dan have an Ass Contest, judged by Ryan. Johnny requests of Ryan, "don't look inside my butt crack, 'cuz I don't like that." Ryan declares that he likes Johnny's and Kenny's asses best and Johnny celebrates the triumph of both "high and tight" and "low and loose."

....???

Ryan interviews that it's intimidating to be the only gay guy on the Island, but then notes that the whole thing is just a popularity contest, and he's "Mr. Popular!" Cut to Dan insisting that he's the straightest guy in the world. Listen, I won't ask if you don't tell, kid. Ryan jumps into the frame with Dan, making hilarious "straight" (i.e., dumb monkey) moves with his arms.

Machinations. Johnny and Kenny try to convince Ryan to take Jenn's key if they let him go into the next Face-Off. Ryan is like "Have you seen that bitch after ten beers? It's like trashy, gay Christmas back home with Mom in the trailer! Hell no, I'm not taking her key away from her." Or maybe he just told them, "No."

Dunbar interviews that Ryan's acting like a girl, getting all emotional. That's super-creative stereotyping there, Dunbar. Then Ryan interviews that Dunbar gets real touchy when people suggest that he doesn't deserve his key, given that Abram just handed it to him like God reaching out and touching Adam. Then Dunbar interviews all spluttery and spitty about how, like, EVERYBODY got their key by losing and begging for it and, like, he TOTALLY subjected himself to being bounced off a big huge rolling ball for the sake of something something. Oh, this episode just got a whole lot interesting to me if the narrative is going to be Ryan v. Dunbar. It's like, uh, Posh Spice v. Bill O'Reilly. I mean, come on!

Night. Johanna is draped over Johnny, while five feet away Evelyn hangs her head and complains, Kellyanne stares blankly and Ryan tries to cheer them both up. Ryan declares that he's never been a social outcast before, and Kellyanne pipes up to assure us that she hasn't, either. You know the saying about there being no outcasts in in-patient clinics. Evelyn cops to having been an outcast most of her life.

Kenny's top priority is Johanna, who lays in a hammock reaping the benefits of having a sweet, sweet ass. Colie interviews, and it's like a buzz saw running in cycles on my television. Seriously, what is she on about? Something about her and Johanna's "strategy" and a "strong, male keyholder." Sweetheart, I think you've got some parts on you that qualify as strong, male keyholders.

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Real World - Road Rules Challenge

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