Next heat: Rachel, Katie, Jenn, and Paula. Jenn! I forgot about her! When is she going to stick her tongue in something inappropriate? Rachel is dyking them all out, shaking the shit out of the ropes. Katie plunges first. Then we go into a hilarious electronica-set slow-mo rope shaking fight to the death, as Rachel swings them all this way and that until.... they all fall off at once! Instant replay (they have the money for that?) says that Paula hit the water last and so wins. Rachel interviews that she lost by a hairnail Michael Phelps touch to the wall. Okay.
Last girl's heat. Tori, Ruthie and Brittini. These three get all hilariously weird on the ropes. Ruthie is hanging around the ropes like a monkey, Brittini is upside down like the ropes are a stripper pole, and Tori has slipped and is just holding on to the bottom rope. These three need to go back to Rope Hanging On School! Tori falls first, then Brittini. Ruthie wins. The final girl's heat; Ruthie is way down the other end of the rope against Kimberly and Paula. Kimberly valium interviews that her strategy is the same -- stand totally still. The problem with Kimberly is exactly this: her boringness is infectious. Her boring (though, okay, effective) strategy of standing still has caught on with everyone else. So, they're all just standing there until Teej tells them that the rules now allow them to touch each other. Ruthie scurries down the rope to the other girls and right as she wraps her legs around Paula's waist like she's some kind of crazy alien creature, we cut to commercial.
Back on the ropes, we replay Ruthie's take down, Paula interviewing that she had voodoo eyes on as she approached. Paula goes down, Ruthie is hanging onto the rope with arms and legs and still manages to start kicking Kimberly's dumb boring legs all over the place. She finally kicks Kimberly's legs free of their grasp on the rope and Kimberly falls. Ruthie wins and then kind of scarily interviews about how it feels good to do a good job at something. Ruthie, there is no room for that kind of work ethic on this show.
Boys heats. Why am I recording all this in such detail? MJ is tall, and by just stretching out he can knock dudes off the rope. Isaac falls. Then Brad falls, then Davis, only after interviewing about how hard it was to hold on to the rope. Davis fools himself that it was close, that he almost beat MJ. Next heat, Derek marvels over how Mark is "37 going on 22." Like, he says this as a compliment. Which just really tickles me. Derek falls, then Dunbar. Mark and Landon are left, and beg Teej to skip the "one arm " stage and go straight to trying to physically knock one another off.