Real World - Road Rules Challenge
Ev vs. The Island

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Drunken Bee: C | Grade It Now!
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Ev vs. The Island
Johnny takes us on a tour of Island entertainment. First, there's Colie performing as part of the "Scaliwag Theater" which appears to include skits inspired by Camp Kid-a-Roo by way of Alpha Kappa Theta filtered through soul-crushing corporate retreat games. Then there's all the laughing at Robin and Dan they have to do. And, then, of course, there are the maggot sticks. Johnny and Paula, just having some innocent fun with the maggot sticks. Maggot stick. Johnny's Maggot Stick. Who has what kind of stick now? Oh, it's just Johnny. Johnny has a maggot stick. Yes. It's what I always imagined was the case.

Of course, it's all fun and games until the maggot stick lands in Evelyn's bed. (Isn't that what your grandma always warned about?) Evelyn is sad to have her slumber disturbed by Johnny's maggot stick (join the club, lady) and tells him and his cronies so. Johnny tells her to stick her telescope up her ass. It does seem that Evelyn is holding a telescope in her arms. He uses his Joe Pesci voice to call her a dumb bitch. Jenn interviews that Johnny has been taking the personal insults too far lately. Ev interviews that she's ready to take Johnny down in a Face Off.

New day. Food issues. There's no meat until Army comes by. Hey, Army! Ryan interviews re: air drops: he likes them because they break up the monotony of eating rice, taking a crap, and staring at fake breasts all day. This shipment contains vegetables and eggs and a map for a scavenger hunt. Dunbar is contemplating suicide because there isn't any meat. Give the man meat and he goes psychotic on Kellyanne, don't give it to him and he goes psychotic on himself. Sigh. I wish that choice were a little clearer. They start in on the scavenger hunt, and, just like Ryan predicted, we are privy to the monotonous sight of repetitive hanging melons as the girls bend over and dig in the sand for the treasure. They dig up a box that contains rope and information on how to build their boat.

In the kitchen, Dunbar declares that the eggs will be split up like the meat was, i.e., more for the boys. WTF? Is this really how the world thinks of men and women? That women GET LESS FOOD? Kellyanne protests and points out that it doesn't look like Dunbar's lost any weight, whereas she's lost an inch on her waist. Kellyanne is the queen of backwards logic. Tyrie jumps in and tells the girls that he thanks them for FUCKING PLANNING ALL THEIR MEALS and then interviews that if they were on the street, he'd have jumped Dunbar by now. Dunbar grumbles to the boys sitting off to the side NOT HELPING WITH THE MEAL PLANNING OR PREPARATION that the girls are getting a lot more out of the 700 calories a day than he is. Oh wise Kenny tells him that that's "the nature of women." Yes. This is our secret plan for world domination. Magical Calorie Transformation. Our magically smaller bodies magically get so much more out of the calories you poor boys are doomed to share with us.

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Real World - Road Rules Challenge

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