Inside the Inner Circle
During the credits, a voice-over promises us "twelve bloodthirsty finalists, poolside, dishing the dirt, taking you inside the Inner Circle." Are they really bloodthirsty now that the competition is over?
Mark welcomes us to the show, and I see that Eric has been replaced by Lindsay, which is so funny to me. I guess that B/M realized how much Eric sucked, and thus sent him off to grind somewhere. Lindsay says that she got kicked off after the seventh episode, so she's got a lot of questions. Oh, like Lindsay would ever ask anything that might make people not like her. She's such a people-pleaser.
Mark says that the people at home want to hear "juicy stuff" -- which is true in my case, anyway -- and asks the contestants if there was anything that the people at home didn't see. Well, since they filmed for a few weeks, and we only saw about eight hours of footage, total, I would guess that there was some stuff that we didn't see. Elka starts off by saying that there was "a lot of loving going on, a lot of Scrabble games, and hot wax." Everyone is confused by her mention of hot wax. Elka says that she has changed, and everyone goes, "Woooo!" Lindsay says what I just said about why there is a lot of footage unshown, and Mark adds that most of what we don't see is pretty boring, and consists of the contestants "eating, sleeping, trying to pick up Mexican prostitutes." Does Mark remind anyone else of Ben Stiller? Maybe it's just me.
Mark introduces some footage that we didn't see during the season. The clips are as follows:
- Mike yells at Coral and asks if she wants "it," and Coral tells the camera, "I want Mike's ketchup package. I want to see his habañero pepper." That's not very flattering to Mike. Then again, I don't think she meant it to be.
- Chris and Josh beatbox while Belounatic raps something about the world and boys and girls and Theo tries not to laugh in her face.
- Timmy does a little dance in a hallway.
- Mike talks through his ass. No, really. Hey, we saw that footage! They are such liars. Mike demands that Theo kiss his ass, and Timmy runs into the wrestling ring and slaps Mike's ass. We saw that, too.
- Coral is still talking about Mike's package, and Mike says that Coral's never seen it.
- Emily, Tara, and Hollywick do their goofy aerobics. That's another clip we've already seen. With all of the footage they shot, did they really need to show us stuff we've already seen?
- Mike is still talking out of his ass, and he tells Eric that he saw him on The Grind. Okay, that was funny.
- At the toga party, Jisela dances while everyone claps, and then smushes ADDam's face into her boobs. Classy, that Jisela.
- Mike continues to talk as The Miz, and he's gone back to being unfunny.
- The Wicks snuggle and pray. Hollywick says, "Bless us indeed and increase our territory. Your hand will be over us, and you will keep us from evil." They expect God to keep them from themselves? And what's with the "territory" thing? Are they going to take part in the Oklahoma Land Rush? Methinks someone has watched Far and Away too many times.
- Stephen tells the camera that naked is his natural state. David pops up and says, "Wow, thank you for telling me that."
- Before he leaves, Norm gives Mike a bottle of liquor to be consumed on his twenty-first birthday. Mike drinks a lot and jokingly calls Coral a bitch.
- During the wrestling match, Kelley and Tara push each other around. Wow, I'm so glad they included that clip for no reason.
- Belounatic yells at The Wicks for judging her parenting skills, which we already saw. Belounatic bitches to Holly Not Wick about The Wicks, and how they are trying to make her act crazy in front of the cameras. I don't think they need to try very hard. The whole time Belounatic is ranting, Holly Not Wick is holding Baby Belouga and looking frightened. Belounatic concludes, "Dey bitches! Dey bitches." I miss Belounatic.
- Coral begs Mike to show her his unit. Mike says he has to go take a shower. Coral asks if he's going to jack off in the shower, and Mike says he can't. Coral doesn't believe him, and Mike says that he needs the "raw power."
- While wrestling, Mike begs Coral to shove her boobs in his face.
- Stephen jumps on a trampoline and calls himself "Black Man Xena, the Warrior Prince."