Hey, Army! Paula Eggplant Head is excited. Cohutta and Derrick sweet around together trying to boy-figure the boat. Love! Oh, Cohutta is SO going home tonight. Sigh.

We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel of Kenny and Johnny just going through the motions, talking about the Alliance.

Commercials. TJ! Face Off! Derrick nominates himself, which surprises everyone, since he already has a key. Bananas interviews that Derrick is throwing his hat into the ring to help him out. So the Face Off will be Derrick, Johnny, and Cohutta. Oh, Cohutta. Ev interviews that if Johnny wins, that's her death sentence.

Kellyanne is sad and thinks that if Cohutta leaves she'll suffer mentally. Ev and Jenn try to create some white noise about how Johnny is so distracted that he might lose the Face Off, and then will lose the vote. Johnny and Kenny talk for about a hundred hours about how close but how far Johnny is from the prize. This episode is like trying to milk a dry cow.

Commercials. Face Off! The game is "Rat in a Cage." Each boy gets locked in a cage, and has to get four keys to unlock themselves. The keys are all connected to "various objects" (thanks, TJ "Attention to Detail" Lavin). The boys have to unravel how the keys are wrapped around various ropes, steel wires, and bamboo logs. The boys get in the cage. Cohutta is psyched that it isn't a physical challenge.

The challenge starts and Cohutta starts cruising. Johnny's doing pretty fine, and Derrick is, too, until he realizes he's color-blind and has been trying to fit the green key into the yellow lock. Then Cohutta realizes that one of his keys has fallen off the end of a rope and is laying in the dirt. Kellyanne's lips deflate like a popped birthday balloon. We quickly dispatch the rest of this challenge with Johnny unlocking himself and finishing first. We now have twenty minutes to kill watching the show try to pretend that there's some question about who's going home.

Johnny sits with Kellyanne trying to teach her how to fillet a fish. What she doesn't realize is that Johnny is busy filleting her with his bullshit about how he wants to make up and not fight anymore. Kelly "Daddy Issues" Anne interviews that she is so grateful that Johnny isn't acting like such a jerk anymore. She tells Ev about how Johnny has been being nice to her. Ev -- the voice of reason! -- interviews that it's all bullshit and that Johnny is just working Kellyanne.