Real World - Road Rules Challenge
Island King

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | Grade It Now!
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Oh, Cohutta!

Night on the island. Johnny thinks Ev taking his key was ballsy, but premature. He thinks his alliance is totally behind him and is more solidified than ever. Cohutta and Kellyanne discuss how they are the only ones on the island who can sleep in the same bed and "just cuddle." It's because Cohutta can't get his genitals near hers, her Restalyned lips keep him at such a distance.

Over on another part of this Panamanian landfill, Dan is hitting dudes over the head with a big piece of cardboard. Robin looks on from her perch up in the freakin' palapa and wishes that Dan would be less drunk and more, uh, less drunk? I can't think of another quality Dan might exhibit.

Morning. Robin, Ryan and Ev discuss why there's so much hatred on the island. Because of the logic of late capitalism and the postmodern condition? Or maybe it's just that Bananas' dirty underwear is stinking up the palapa? Either way. Ev explains how she and her pals are trying to put together a new coalition to take down Johnny's alliance. The three wild cards are Robin, Derek and Dan. Ev tries to convince Robin to join forces with her and her merry band of mouth breathers. She assures Robin that she and her crowd would rather lose the game than bow down to Johnny's will. Johnny's Captain Ahab, Ev is Ishmael! Call me Evelyn.

Johnny has something to say: he wants to remind everyone that the favorite sports teams are the ones that win. Then he gets busy developing some crazy theory about how he's been "a victim of key theft." This poor boy is getting a bit too riled up; he just needs a Bloomin' Onion and his fave Buckcherry album.

Commercials. Ssssscorpions! In the sssand! Dan points out that no one takes Cohutta seriously because he's little. Oh, poor Cohutta. He's totally off the island tonight.

Robin has "the talk" with Dan. She prompts Dan to acknowledge that he pretty much never remembers what he did the night before. Dan interviews about Robin and his relationship. He tells us -- and let me assure you I have rewound and watched this a bunch of times, and I really believe this is what he says -- he tells us that Robin "has been a good speaking post" for him. A speaking post? Like at Sonic? Where you talk into it and... it gives you burgers? [Did he mean "sounding board"? Because... wow. - Zach] He continues, and it gets way more depressing real quick, that the problem with his drinking "isn't so much that I'm killing myself with it, but I'm hurting everyone around me." To illustrate? We flash back to Dave telling Dan that his drinking shows that he's "a weak competitor." I'm not sure that counts as "hurting everyone else around me." Robin tells Dan that he needs to not drink. At all. Be "Sober Dan." I'm sure Dan is looking for something a little more along Landon's detox program in Philadelphia, where he declared he'd only drink five beers a night.

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Real World - Road Rules Challenge

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