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A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

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A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

Is it time for The Osbournes yet?

Chris calls Kurt. After some small talk, Chris says that he's been doing a lot of thinking, and that he had a great weekend with Kurt, but that he's not sure if he can commit to any future plans. Chris says that his life is total chaos, adding that it has nothing to do with Kurt; he then brings up his recovery. See, I think Chris just threw that in there so that Kurt wouldn't feel bad -- it's Chris's version of the "It's not you, it's me" speech. It's not you, it's my drinking problem. In an interview, Chris says that he does have feelings for Kurt. They say good night, and hang up.

CJP and Kyle eat at Cinnabon. Kyle eats his giant cinnamon roll with a knife and fork. Dude, just tear pieces off and stuff your face! ["But they're so sticky! Okay, I eat my Cinnabon with a knife and fork. I'm Mr. Pitt." -- Wing Chun] Kyle says that he's getting tired of the restrictions with Keri. In a confessional, Kyle says that he wants to spend time with Nicole in the future. Kyle admits to CJP that he and Keri lost control on Thursday. They didn't have sex, but "the plug was almost in the socket." Wow, that's sexy. And classy. In an interview, CJP says that Kyle has a lot of control, and that in their place, she would have already "landed the deal." No shit, CJP. Kyle says that he's neurotic being in the house. They keep cutting to his cinnamon roll for no reason. I try to think up reasons why they would keep showing it. Maybe Kyle and Keri's relationship is like a cinnamon roll -- sweet and gooey but without much structure. Maybe the way that Kyle eats his cinnamon roll with a fork and knife is symbolic of the way that he lives his life -- completely controlled instead of just stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. I'm sure you could come up with more. It's what gets me through the more boring scenes.

Keri and Tonya hail a cab. Keri says it bothers her that Kyle is so hot and cold. Keri bitches that Kyle doesn't want to accept the fact that Nicole broke up with him. In an interview, Tonya says that she feels bad for Keri because her feelings are getting hurt. Tonya advises Keri to tell Kyle to fuck off. I never, ever thought I would say this, but: Word, Tonya.

Keri and Kyle have the big talk. Keri accuses Kyle of disregarding her when he's trying to cover his own ass. Kyle says that he has to do that. No, he doesn't. Kyle wants to know what Keri wants. Keri thinks it's obvious that their relationship has nothing to do with what Keri wants, because Kyle is too busy covering his own ass. Kyle angrily says that he established his priorities with her from day one. Yeah, except on day one he was with Nicole. Now he's not. I don't blame Keri for thinking that things might change. Keri wants friendship and commitment. Kyle asks why she's being weird. Keri says she's sick of being second-best, and that he'll have to find some other girl, because she's not going to compete. Kyle asks if this is a surprising outcome to her. He can't understand why Keri is disappointed and frustrated. Keri points out that Nicole broke up with him, according to what Kyle said, and that their relationship is over. Keri feels that Kyle can be honest with Nicole, but not with Keri. Kyle promises that he can be honest with Keri. Kyle doesn't think that Keri should hold any ill will toward him. Keri thinks it's "very lame" that she's put herself in this position, and she's not going to do it anymore. Yeah! Go, Keri! Kyle comments that it makes it much easier. Keri nods and walks away. Kyle makes a few more jerky comments, then goes and washes his face and stares at himself in the mirror for a while.

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