Real World
A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

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A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

The season opens with the standard Real World credits. But wait. What's that? They said "seven people" instead of "seven strangers." Hmm, what could that possibly mean? The credits end with a fish being thrown at the Public Market, and the title of the show is painted in red letters on the side of the fish. I will get so sick of that stupid fish by the end of this season.

We see cannons in the rain, and it looks like some sort of military base, perhaps. Okay, I'm not going to pretend that I haven't seen this season before. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. It's the Virginia Military Institute or VMI. The song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five plays. Is someone about to take their girlfriend to get an abortion or something? We see Nathan and his girlfriend Stephanie kissing in the rain. Nathan is hard to describe. Average height, average build, brown hair, slight southern accent. Stephanie is blonde and kind of cute, I guess. David walks out with some of his classmates, and tells them to "take care of the hoopty." That must be military slang. David is kind of greasy-looking, with slicked-back dark hair; each of his eyes is a different colour. Nathan tells Stephanie he'll see her in six weeks and she starts sobbing. Keep that six-week figure in mind, because I still haven't figured out how long they're actually in that stupid house. It could be six weeks. It could be three months. Everyone says a different number each time they discuss it. In an interview, Nathan says he doesn't know what he'd do without Stephanie in his life because Stephanie's parents have taken him in. According to the recent reunion, he would make movies called Tangy Guacamole. Stephanie drives away. Nathan and David load up a van with their luggage, which consists mostly of duffel bags. David says leaving is like "emotional weightlifting." That's David -- the poet of South Boston. Some old guy in a uniform wishes them the best and tells them he knows they will represent the institute well. Clearly, he doesn't know them very well. The van pulls out. David grabs Nathan's hand and holds it to his heart in the first of many displays of homoeroticism between these two this season. Nathan says he thinks that Stephanie is "the one" and that he has to "be strong."

We get a shot of downtown Seattle. At least I think that's Seattle. Oh, there's the Space Needle. Okay, it's definitely Seattle. Oh look, they wrote "Seattle" at the bottom of the screen in case I wasn't sure. How nice. David and Nathan arrive in the city and get on a shuttle towards their house. In an interview, David says he never thought his life would take this turn, and that his only aspiration was to stay in Charlestown. Nathan says he's hoping their house has a hot tub. The two of them slap hands and hug and jostle around for like five minutes. David says he wants to "dig these people big time" and "see what they're all about," and I guess he's talking about his roommates.

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Real World

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