Real World
A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | Grade It Now!
A Long Walk Off a Short Pier

Rebecca wonders aloud which room she should put all her stuff into. Nathan says he's just leaving his in the living room for now, so he doesn't "piss anybody off." Ah, the drama of choosing rooms. I love the first-episode antics. David is eating an apple, and he says he is "digging that back room real hard." Nathan says he wants the back room. Rebecca does too. Fight! Fight! Oh, no such luck. Nathan reasons that it's a guy's room and Rebecca tells him to stop trying to intimidate her. Nathan says the front room is a girls' room because it has jewelry boxes. Rebecca says, "I can tell what school y'all go to." See, they're trying to set up tension between Rebecca, who is from Virginia and familiar with VMI, and the two guys. Rebecca assumes the guys will be all aggressive and sexist because they go to military school. Don't think the producers didn't totally plan who arrives at what time for maximum conflict.

Janet is a pretty Asian woman with shoulder-length dark hair. ["I would describe her as 'very pretty' my own self." -- Wing Chun] She gets into a cab and heads for the pier. Lindsey, a short, feisty, freckled moptop, struggles with her bags and nearly falls over. Stephen, a tall African-American male waits at some sort of transportation terminal. Janet tells the cabbie it's her first trip to Seattle. We see the Space Needle again. Lindsay arrives at the terminal and sees Stephen. She hugs him and introduces herself. In an interview, Stephen calls her a "boppy little girl," which is accurate and yet condescending all at the same time. Lindsay asks Stephen if he realizes that his legs are as long as her entire body. In an interview, Lindsey says she looked at Stephen and thought he was "good-looking" and "a big boy." Ew. I'm sorry, maybe I'm just making judgments because I know what happens in the future, but I don't find Stephen at all attractive.

Back at the pier, Nathan realizes someone else has arrived. Janet rings the bell at the gate and a mechanical dog barks in the house. Will the looniness of this house ever end? ["Street signs on the wall? Whatever!" -- Wing Chun] Actually, after the first episode, no one ever climbs the rock-climbing wall or fishes through the hole in the floor. ["Doesn't David climb the wall to spoiler try to get that pigeon out?" -- Wing Chun] Just to reassure you. Everyone walks outside and introduces themselves to Janet. When Janet enters the house, she keeps yelling, "You're kidding me!" like, we get it! The house is stunning. Must we see every roommate's reaction to it? Janet says she won't want to leave when the show is over and David says he was thinking the same thing. Ah, deluded new roommates. Janet takes note of Nathan's southern accent and says she "digs" it. In an interview, Nathan says Janet has an "exotic beauty" and that she will be "a temptation." ["Plus, in this day and age, must non-white women be described by white guys as being 'exotic'? It's called 'Orientalism,' and it's kind of gross." -- Wing Chun] Okay, we've seen Nathan for all of like fifteen minutes and he's already discussed cheating on Stephanie twice. In an interview, Janet says Nathan looks "most like a hottie." Janet says it's a pleasure finally to meet all of them and Nathan takes this as his cue to run over and give her a hug. David and Rebecca exchange a look like, "Dude, why don't they just kiss and get it over with?" It's like the producers have a checklist of the things they need to foreshadow in the opening episode. Conflict over room assignments? Check. People getting mad that Nathan and David are not "strangers"? Check. Possible roommate hookups? Check.

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Real World




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