Real World
Bazooka Joe

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
Bazooka Joe

Randy and Robin continue groping around, and Jacquese reports back to his roommates, laughing. They all ask what Randy is saying, and Jacquese says that all he heard was, "Boom! Bazooka Joe!" Everyone laughs hysterically, as you do. Cameran says that she has a whole other opinion of Randy right now. Cut to a shot of Robin and Randy sleeping; Randy has a biiiiiiiig smile on his face.

The next morning, a big ship goes by the house. Frankie, don't look! Robin and Randy wake up. Robin says that she slept like a brick, and we get a nice shot of Randy's nipple and armpit hair. Awesome. The alarm goes off to wake them up for their job, and everyone gets up and gets ready. Cameran interviews that she's excited about their job, because she loves the water. Brad interviews that "a couple of people in the house have skeptical feelings about the water." Like they don't believe that the water exists? Poor word choice, Brad.

The roommates head for the dock, with Cameran reading directions and leading the way. They have seriously step-by-step instructions, so clearly the producers understand how dumb the roommates are, in general. Jacquese leads Frankie along, since she has a towel over her head to prevent her from seeing boats. No, seriously. No, she really does. Aah! I'm scared of blue towels! That's so not cool, Frankie. Cameran reads that the last step is to walk down to the end of the pier. To do so, they have to walk between two large boats moored nearby. Frankie can't do it, even with the towel over her head, and Jamie and Jacquese wait with her. The other roommates come back to see what's up. Someone says that they only have ten minutes before they have to show up. Frankie starts hyperventilating, and then turns and runs away. Huh. She seems perfectly able to walk all by herself with the towel over her head. It's like she knew it would be more dramatic if she forced Jacquese and Jamie to lead her along or something.

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was probably Frankie running down the pier with a towel over her head because she's scared of big boats. But since that doesn't really qualify, I guess I'll tell you all about this Lifetime Movie Network movie I watched called Prison of Secrets. Awesome title. Anyway, it starred Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist as a wife and mother who, in an effort to save her boss some money, created her own consulting company and billed the company for the consulting work while she was still working there. And then when the cops came to arrest her, she didn't understand why that might be a conflict of interest. Although her boss must have really hated her to have her arrested instead of, you know, talking to her about it or just firing her. So her lawyer urges her to accept a plea bargain, but she still thinks she's done nothing wrong, so she wants to go to trial, like, what part of "conflict of interest" does she not get? So she's totally convicted of "conflict of interest," which I didn't know was a crime punishable by imprisonment, but whatever. So when she gets to prison, she quickly learns that the prison guard, Kevin Arnold's dad, forces the female inmates to have sex. So Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist wants to expose this practice, and she tells her husband on visiting day, and he's basically like, "As long as they're not bothering you, stay out of it," like, nice attitude, husband. But then the husband sees Mr. Arnold totally feel up Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist while he's supposed to be frisking her, and he gets pissed. So Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist gets her lawyer to file a lawsuit against the prison, but they need signed affadavits from the victims, and no one wants to do it. And then there's this one awesome scene where Rusty needs a sanitary napkin and the guard won't give it to her and Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist busts into the supply room and starts throwing supplies up into the air, giving new meaning to Always with Wings. So then the other prisoners like her, because she took care of their menstrual needs, and her husband is also using his radio show to publicize what's going on in the prison. So then the victims write up their statements and smuggle them out of the prison with the help of a sympathetic female guard, and Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist is freed, which doesn't really make sense, because it's not like she was innocent of the crime for which she was convicted. But it was awesome.

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