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Beware: Lingering Shots Of Naked, Bumpy Sean

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Beware: Lingering Shots Of Naked, Bumpy Sean

Elka and Kameelah, meanwhile, stand aside in the living room watching this frightful display with such comical looks of horror and disbelief that it makes this sequence appear as campy and staged as when the kids would find maggots in their burgers EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY WENT TO THE DAMN DINER on You Can't Do That on Television. Elka observes to Sean that if she were to break out in such a rash it would scare her, and we cut to her in a predictably aqua-centric confessional nearly vomiting out the sentiment, "His body. Ugh, I mean, his arms, his chest." Notice that at no time during that speech did she mention the actual rash, a pretty good indication that Elka could have delivered her horrified opinion of looking at Sean's half-naked grossness at any point during the run of this season, welty fun times or not. In which case, she forgot to sneeringly include, "Ugh, his love handles, his misappropriated body hair, his general lumpiness, and his too-small-for-his-chest-but-still-weirdly-ubiquitous nipples" to her list of Sean's chesty-area grievances. So I have taken the liberty of doing so myself. Thank goodness I showed up when I did then, eh? Kameelah calls it like she sees it, laughing when she truth-in-jests, "What if that's contagious, Sean? You'd have to leave the house. Ha ha. We'd send you back to Wisconsin." And then, to hilarious comic effect, actually, she tacks on the knife-twisting, "Remember in like, the fifth grade, when everyone said you had the cooties? Like, you have the cooties." I would like to briefly point out, if I may, the sad irony in Syrus being the self-proclaimed playa who brings home the TJ Maxximum of women of decidedly skanky repute, and yet it is scapegoat Sean who breaks out in the icky rash when Syrus is just way too slick to let any of that uncool bacteria gets its hooks into him, and Sean gets booted from the house. Sadly, no one in the Boston cast thinks to reference the numerous direct parallels of Syrus and Sean to the many personality characteristics they share with Gervase and Joel. Because, I guess, the latter couple hasn't really been invented yet.

And speaking of Kameelah (as Kameelah so very often does), we find her in her room preparing for a night out on the urban ice floe that is their Boston winter. She voice-overs, "It's kind of intimidating, because I'm starting to meet men that are on my list. Like, I'm starting to meet men that fulfill the requirements and, like, can make Kameelah happy. Because I thought it would never happen." All hail "Doug," a mechanical engineering major who Kameelah will only volunteer that she met "at a party." Cut to what must have been the least interesting manifestation of coupling social interaction in the history of modern courtship, as the aired version of the date contains one shot of them inside of a restaurant while Kameelah voice-overs something about Douglas being "intelligent." Ooooh. Smart. If that doesn't sound like the fiery throws of passion, I don't know what it is. But it's really impossible to tell from the editing. The date is so short that if you press pause at the very beginning of it and then attempt to rewind, the tape jumps forward the tiniest bit before it hits its rewinding mode stride and inadvertently fast forwards through the entire evening. They leave. Quite a night out on the town with your list-abiding Casanova, Kameelah. I've taken sips of water that have lasted longer.

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Real World

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