Wes meets a girl named Wren (what?) and brings her home, where he proceeds to feed her lines in front of all his roommates. Later, Johanna starts making out with Wes in a club, and all of the roommates get up in their business and have to find out about it. Mostly, everyone is shocked that Johanna deigned to let Wes touch her at all. Danny and Nehemiah counsel Wes to have sex with Johanna "for America," even though Wes says that he likes Wren better. Wes decides to teach Rachel how to be a real woman instead of a slut. Shut up, Wes. Rachel makes out with a bouncer at the Dizzy Rooster, and Nehemiah gets pissed because he's worried that Rachel will screw up his underage-getting-into-bars business. Rachel flips out on Nehemiah in a scary way. Danny takes the initiative a few days later to talk to Rachel about her experiences in Iraq and how they might still be affecting her.
No most awesome thing this week, because most of what I've seen on television this week has not been very awesome. My thoughts are with all those affected by Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath.
Dizzy Rooster. Wes talks to a chick named Wren, with very black hair. Wes tells her she's really cool, and she doesn't seem all that interested in him. Wes interviews that he's "like a hunter," and goes after the best-looking girl in the bar. He feels that, with Wren, he's found her. If that's the best-looking girl in the Dizzy Rooster, they're in pretty sad shape. It's like when you watch the Miss American pageant and you're like, "That's the best they could get from Iowa? Yikes. Remind me never to go to Iowa." No offense to Iowa; I'm speaking hypothetically. As they leave, Wes tells Wren that the police sirens nearby remind him of home, because he's been arrested before. Ooh, Wes is a bad-ass. I'm sure he's been arrested many times for...loitering. And public drunkenness. And bad pick-up lines. Wes tells Wren that he's not a nice guy, and interviews that he thinks Wren can bring out the best in him. They pause outside the house, and Wes says he's going in and he'd love her to come inside as well. She does.
Wes sits in the kitchen with all his roommates around, and tells Wren that she's "the kind of girl [he] could make changes in [his] life for." I can't believe he's talking like that in front of his roommates. He deserves all the taunting he gets. Johanna makes fun of Wes because she thinks Wren is eighteen and probably has homeroom early in the morning. I can't believe Johanna actually just made a funny joke. Johanna interviews that even though Wren is young and skinny, Johanna's not jealous because she doesn't want Wes. Wes thinks Johanna is jealous, but he doesn't care. Wes keeps telling Wren that he thinks it's fate that they met so early. Wes interviews that he used to try to conquer girls, but he thinks he needs to treat Wren differently. Is he part Viking? How do you conquer a girl? That's more than a little creepy. I think Wes has mommy issues. Wes hugs Wren goodbye without even getting a kiss. Pussy.
Some other night, Wes talks to Rachel as she decides what to wear out to a bar. Rachel wants to wear a skirt, but Wes tells her that if she's going to be up on a bar, she can't wear a skirt. Do people really preplan whether they're going to jump up on a bar? I've never done it myself, but I always thought it was kind of a spontaneous thing, like, "Woo! I love this song so me and my crazy girlfriends are going to dance on the bar like that movie with Piper Perabo, who then dropped off the face of the earth, but I still like to watch the movie sometimes when it's on TBS, but don't tell anyone. What? Woo!" Wes says that he thinks of Rachel as a little sister, and he doesn't want people to think she's a slut. Because there are no shades of gray there -- she's either your little sister, or a slut, and she can't possibly be both. Shut up, Wes. Rachel protests that she'll wear "full-butt underwear." Shut up, Rachel. Wes interviews that Rachel is annoying, but that he's going to help her become a "real woman," and her boyfriend will be proud. God, Wes is so FUCKING disgusting with his Madonna/whore complex and his '50s views on female sexuality and his doughy, undeveloped moonface and his ugly pee-colored hair. SHUT UP, WES! Wes asks Lacey whether standing up on a bar makes a woman a slut. Lacey says that about five out of seven people would think a woman on a bar is a slut. I love how Lacey tries to make it scientific so that it doesn't seem personal, yet it's also a little like a chewing-gum commercial with the dentists and the surveys. Rachel protests that she's not a slut, because she hasn't had sex in the house. Lacey differentiates between acting slutty and being slutty, and Rachel agrees that she acts slutty. Unfortunately, none of them mentions that there's nothing innately wrong with either acting slutty or being slutty, and furthermore, no one mentions that WES said that he likes to CONQUER WOMEN, like, if that's not slutty, I don't know what is. Rachel interviews that she's never had the chance to be a partier, and that she wants to get it out of her system before she settles down with her boyfriend permanently. Wes declares that if Rachel were not with Eric, she'd be a slut. I'm out of shut up for Wes.