Real World
Bizarro South Africa

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Bizarro South Africa

Previously, on the Real World: Jamie is Melissa's Nature Sensei. More like Nature Senseless. In this capacity, he gets Melissa to throw a football. I'm not sure what football has to do with nature, but let's just go with it. We don't really have any choice. Melissa had long hair, and told David that he was shutting her off. David said if she didn't want to talk to him for five weeks, it was done. Imagine if neither David nor Melissa talked for five weeks. Oh blessed joy. Well, it would make the recapping difficult.

The doorbell rings at Belfort, and Matt answers. Why does their postman ring the doorbell? Does he want camera time? When Matt gets the mail, it's just regular old mail. It's not FedEx or UPS or something he would have to sign for. Or maybe B/M pays off the mailman to ring the doorbell when delivering packages important to the storylines. Anyway, Matt answers the door, and he's dressed like a golfer gone retarded. He's wearing plaid pants and a yellow sweater vest. Talk about your scary clowns. Matt immediately grabs the one envelope in the bunch that is from the producers, but I'm sure he wasn't prompted at all, even though it was totally on the bottom and any normal person would have found it last. He starts to open it and as if by magic, all of the roommates appear to help him. This is all so staged. Please. Apparently, it contains a disk with some sort of QuickTime file, which turns out to be a movie of a woman telling them they are going to South Africa. Danny's hair is inexplicably orange in this scene. Like, Danny, lighten up on the Sun-In. Get it? Lighten up? See what I did there? Everyone is really psyched about the vacation, except Melissa, who looks pissed off. Danny hugs Kelley and Julie. Matt hugs Kelley and Julie. In an interview, David says that he's never been off his block, and now he's going to South Africa. But, um, isn't he off his block right now? Because we all know he's from the South Side of Chicago, which is the baddest part of town, and if you go down there, you'd better just beware of a man named Leroy Brown. I'm sorry, I haven't been able to do that for a while and I couldn't resist. Anyway, David apparently thinks that New Orleans is a subsection of his block. In a confessional, Jamie says (again) that he is Melissa's Nature Senseless so he's going to show her the "great wide open of motha nate-cha!" Jamie, please don't talk like that ever again. In fact, please don't talk ever again. Ever.

Kelley, Julie and Melissa are sitting in someone's bedroom. I think this is the same scene from two weeks ago when Kelley and Melissa discussed Kelley's depression. Anyway, they are now discussing their upcoming vacation. Kelley applies makeup, and says that she can't believe they are going to Africa in a day or two. Melissa doesn't give a damn. Julie pretends she didn't hear her and says that she wants to see elephants and giraffes, and then throws Melissa a bone by asking if she wants to see those things. Melissa says they have Busch Gardens in Tampa, so she's "already seen all that mess." Kelley thinks this over, while applying more makeup. Dude, she has a lot of makeup.

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Real World

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