Real World

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City Mouse vs. Country Mouse

David and Jon are lolling about their room; David makes fun of country music. Because nothing is in either closet or on any shelves in the room yet, I think this must have happened, like, the day everyone moved in. Jon chuckles that he'd like to make fun of rap music, but he can't, "because it's full of bad words," none of which he can say. Hee. David explains that "rap is never meant to be nice." Somewhere, this being 1993, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince glower. The Fresh Prince, in particular, vows to show David that, in fact, nice rap can sell records, no matter what David, or that Slim Shady person says! Jon then makes up his own little rap, as an example of all that he dislikes about that genre of music. No bad words are mentioned, and he never uses the word "bitch" or "ho." Instead, let me transcribe Jon's little rap tune. This is all accompanied by exaggerated Run DMC arm movements, just so you know. Ahem: "I'm the baddest person in the world/ I'm the baddest / You don't mess with me / Homeboy this!/ Word." This is the part where I pause the tape and laugh and laugh and laugh. As David is explaining to Jon that all that "'word' stuff" is mere stereotyping, his beeper goes off. Jon asks him if he's "selling drugs." David gets all aggro about Jon making assumptions again, but Jon explains that he asked that as an homage to the episode of RW New York, wherein Julie asked Heather if she's dealing drugs because Heather had a beeper. David glowers. MTV runs the Julie/Heather clip, all slo-mo and black-and-white noir.

Jon and David argue in the pool room, Jon complaining that he has to fall asleep to David's "jazz stuff," and then asking if David has any idea how much he's had to listen to "Hip Hop Hooray." Again: hee. And also, that whirring sound was any number of actual jazz musicians spinning in their respective graves at the idea that "Hip Hop Hooray" is, by any stretch of the imagination, jazz. David asks if Jon wants a "divorce." Jon does. In the poolroom, David wigs and leaps out of his chair and screams that Jon "wins." Okay, so Jon and David? Roommate relations problems. Got that? Because I know it's a little hard to grasp.

Real World

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