Lori calls all the girls upstairs to see something in Mike's room. Mike has all of the Arista schwag hung up on the wall above his bed. In an interview, Rachel says, "Oh my Gaaaahd. Who has a shrine to Arista?" In an interview, Lori jokes about all the schwag he has, including the CDs of the artists they have promoted set up on his bedside table. Okay, that is pretty lame. Lori thinks that they need to "add to it in a really subtle way."
Lori decides to make a sign that says, "Arista Kiss-Ass and Proud." ["Wow, that is subtle!" -- Wing Chun] As she colors it in, she claims that she'll take all the credit, unless Rachel wants to share it. Rachel says that she wants all the credit. Rachel complains about how long it's taking to make the sign. Lori shows it off, and then goes to hang it up in Mike's room, commenting that she doesn't "want to touch this semen-soaked bed." Ew. EEEEEWWW! All of the girls watch Lori hang it up, and then they giggle and leave. This might be the lamest practical joke in Real World history.
Jonathan Murray: Er, sir?
Mary-Ellis Bunim: Zzzzzzzzzz. [smacking lips].
Murray: Sir? Siiiiiiiir? Wake up, sir. Our show is on.
Murray: Sir? [louder] Sir? [whispers] I hate you, you bitch. You've ruined my life.
Bunim: [clearly] I heard that.
Mike brings home a lady named Morgan. Lori is -- big surprise -- eating. Mike explains that he took his lady to the wax museum, and that it was "sooooo cool." I can just see the Mike Dating Plan now. A fun night at the wax museum, followed by dinner at the Planet Hollywood. Whoo! That would put me in the mood. Mike walks into his room and sees the sign, and then reads it out loud, apparently unable to read to himself. Mike explains to Morgan that the sign wasn't there before, and she is unable to grasp the concept. I think I might kill myself if this show gets any more boring. I can't even bring myself to type the sentences. Could something happen? Please? I don't even care if they make shit up at this point. I don't care if they have to splice together audio to make it sounds like Rachel propositioned Malik. I don't care. Nothing could be more boring than the subplot featuring Mike's fucking kiss-ass sign. Sigh. The scene ends with some bizarre security-cam footage of Mike sleeping, and I swear to God he wipes his nose and then wipes it on his pillowcase. Was that clip even supposed to be in there?