Rachel fills Johanna in on some fuzzy details about last night, during which Johanna blacked out, forgetting that she got violent and started yelling at some girls on their way home. Brokeface Danny tells Wes, while holding his own balls, that he doesn't want Mel as a girlfriend; oh, they're pool balls, by the way. Deluded Mel takes a break up letter Danny writes as a good sign. Danny gets another girl's number at a bar as Mel shows up with her boobs out and fully cockblocks him. Johanna tries to rob a hobo and gets arrested. I didn't make that up. Stee gets up for a scotch on the rocks (that's not really part of the show, but it's as important as anything on the air). Wes and Danny, drunk off their asses, go to try to get Johanna out of jail, or get themselves arrested to "visit" Johanna. Brilliant plan, numbnutters. Melinda sees the girls' numbers Danny has written on his hands and cries. Lacey intervenes because she has no storyline of her own. There's yet another relationship conversation with Danny in his stupid felt hat and Mel on the computer. Leo picks up Johanna from jail and then gives her some tough love about her drinking -- and then backs off from actually telling her anything because he loves her drunk ass so much.
Previously on The Real World...Johanna fucked with Neh at a bar, as Neh voice-overed that when Johanna drinks he can't deal with her. Good to see he wore his best wife-beater to the club. Hope he matched it with his very best Africa-shaped pendant, In Living Color-style! Danny told Melinda that he needs some time away from her vagina. Melinda cried. No comment, however, from her vagina.
Opening credits. This is the true story...of lies and half-truths created in the editing suite by people making illegally low wages for eighty-hour work weeks. This is the real world...of trying to work in Hollywood in your twenties!
Austin. Austin. Rachel and Johanna, the latter of whom is dressed like an Eskimo from Northern Exposure, eat food outside at some dive as Rachel tells Johanna about their drunken walk home from the bar last night; Johanna doesn't remember any of it. I'm not really one to be alarmist about people drinking a lot because I love booze, but homegirl has a When A Man Loves A Woman-level problem. Johanna was apparently picking fights, and she assumes it was with boys because that's whom she gets mad at when drunk. Rachel says that she physically had to hold Johanna back and Johanna laughs, privately making a mental note to get the addresses of all the people she's wronged in anticipation of AA step #8. Johanna wonders how she could have gotten into so much trouble on such a short walk home.
We get a lovely flashback from last night of Johanna indeed yelling, mostly incoherently, at some unseen folks, while the gigantor Melinda and combat-vet Rachel try to hold her back. "You're such a loser," Johanna yells at one point, but not to Wes, surprisingly. The flailing Johanna hits Melinda in the face. Hee. She's used to things hitting her in the chin.
Back to Hangover Restaurant. Johanna says that that's her "on vodka." Well, I don't mind the fighting, because that's sort of funny, but anything that causes her to make out on camera with Wes...that shit should be banned forever. Johanna says the "funny" thing is that she doesn't remember it. "Funny" isn't exactly the word I'd use. Rachel then camera-puffs that Johanna doesn't have the "in-between buzz" phase of drunk that people usually get to. Johanna then sets a great example for the youth of America -- and a high goal for herself -- when she vows only to drink wine tonight. Wow. Even on my worst mornings-after, I've at least "vowed," if totally disingenuously, "never" to drink again. Johanna can only vow to downgrade to something with a lower proof. Someone better call the good people at Intervention.