Real World
Danny And The Deep Blue Zzzz

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Bummed Out

Austin. Austin. River. Austin. Warehouse. Danny and Wes play pool. Wes makes a terrible pool analogy/joke about Danny and Melinda's relationship and the tension between them. The relationship genius that is Wes opines that when people are in a relationship, it changes a lot for them, and for everyone else around them. Wow. That's some deep insight, Ghost Whisperer. Danny babbles about how jealous he'll be if Mel cats around on him, and how he probably won't find a better girl (at least certainly not someone who will fuck him so much, so soon after meeting him. Well, I take that back. UT is in Austin, after all). Danny's broken eyeball camera-talks that he can't see Mel as a girlfriend right now, and that though he's infatuated with her, he's very scared of the word "girlfriend." Danny fingers his (pool) balls and tells the wall that he's "trippin'."

Night. Warehouse. Austin. Warehouse. Mel tells us that Danny's caved-in skull wrote her a letter. The letter said, and she repeats seemingly from memory, "Please understand that I still love you with all my heart. I miss you every second, but it's something I have to do." A few things about this. One: they briefly show the envelope, and Danny's written Melinda's name with a label maker. Wow. Nothing says romance and gives that special intimate feeling to correspondence like a Brother P-Touch. Two: well, this really has nothing to do with the letter, but in terms of reading shit from memory, I have a question to the waiters and waitresses out there. Why do some of you insist on not writing down my order? Not only do you inevitably come back to ask if we'd ordered the Bass or the Newcastle, but also, you always, and I mean always, forget at least one salad or side order or special request. Is it pride? Are you showing off? Is it impossible to find a pen in a restaurant? Please, do me a favor. Take the extra second to write down my tuna melt on rye, fries, and Diet Coke with lemon. I promise, I won't think you're lame. Well, I might think you're a little lame, but only because you work at a place that sells tuna melts and fries. (Kidding! Kidding.) So Mel goes on to tell us that the letter was a total success: it made Mel feel like Danny still loves her...and will cause him to get to fuck her as often as he wants while still getting to mess around with as many whorey Sixth Street slutcans as he wants! That dood's a wicked good writah.

Wes and Danny go out. Wes, wearing his best camouflage shorts, narrates their walk, saying that leaving Mel at home was a little "rocky" for Danny, but that now that he's out, they have the potential for a great evening; moreover, going out to shop for hos, just the two of them without the girls, is a momentous occasion. Danny finishes Wes's terrible joke, saying that this night is a giant leap for "all the guys who are bitches out there." Danny's inexplicable boy-crush on Wes is really out of control. Someone needs to call a brain specialist, stat. Get House. I hear he's good, if a bit brusque.

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Real World

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