Real World
Everybody Hates Lacey

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Lace! How Low Can You Go?
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Opening credits. This is the real "true story": Wes's attempt to look sexy in his stare at the camera is goddamn hysterical. Lacey has bad teeth. Neh can't dance. And Danny was sort of cock-eyed even before he got his head caved in.

SXSW is in its nineteenth year, we learn, as we get a montage of the kids filming people on the street talking about the festival. Guy from the band Halifax says he just met Robert Plant. He is high. (And yes, I am speaking of both the Halifax guy and of Robert Plant.) Neh camera-talks that SXSW makes Sixth Street feel very different. Yeah, instead of just drunk sorority girls and frat guys puking in the gutter outside of the Velveeta Room, there are now drunk rocker boys puking in the gutter outside of the Velveeta Room. Totally different vibe. Neh says it's much more exciting that he thought it would be. A horse. A band plays. Neh films. Oh, it's Halifax playing. Wes shoots from right in front of the stage, and camera-tools that he's shooting Mike who is screaming his lungs out and beer and sweat are dripping on the camera and "it can't get any more real than that moment right there." Holy shit, Wes. This is a confessional, not a letter to Playgirl. As Mel and the crew are listening and totally digging on the band, Lacey voice-overs that, after getting to know the guys in Halifax, she still thinks they "totally suck." Ha. Good for her.

Outside afterward, Rachel goes up to Halifax and tells them they did a good job. Rachel camera-flabs that she doesn't really like rocker guys, but that she digs the Halifax boys. One of them hugs her and rubs his sweat on her. She giggles, "Ew!" Yeah, she really hates rocker boys. More like, she loves any guy who will still pay her any attention when she's out with Johanna and Mel. People dressed in fries and shake costumes walk down the street. Oh, I love that band: Happy Meal. More people walk.

The kids arrive home. Drunk eating. Neh plays his little basketball game. Halifax arrives. Lacey camera-brats that she doesn't think Halifax should be at the house because it "breaks down the professional level..." Honey, don't worry. There is absolutely nothing professional about this little project of yours. Especially not with a pasty cameraman getting hot over watersports with the subject. Mike, the lead singer, convinces Rachel do to a shot. Yeah, like getting these girls drunk is a challenge. Or a necessity, really. Rachel camera-talks that she likes Mike from Halifax and thinks she and he have a lot in common. The camera-talk is intercut with Rachel sitting on Mike's lap in the confessional. She calls him her "Jewish" friend. You know, when I was a kid, one day I was fishing in a little rowboat with my grandpa and he told me that I shouldn't categorize my friends like that. He told me: "Well, maybe you are prejudiced. Because you think of Jimmy as your 'Jewish Friend' and not just 'Your Friend.'" Oh, wait. Maybe I'm not thinking of a memory but of an old Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints TV ad. Oh, that's right. And come to think of it, my grandpa never took me fishing. And he actually was racist, so that makes less sense now. Mike then plugs their website, and Rachel expresses surprise. Oh, no! No, this band wasn't out for exposure when they kept coming by the house. Perish the thought! Rachel tells us that she'd hook up with Mike if they were both single. Uh, does he know that they'd hook up? He might have a differing opinion.

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