Real World
Fat Tuesday

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Kim: D | Grade It Now!
Fat Tuesday

In an interview, Melissa says she is on top of the world, and that making everyone in the parade happy is an amazing feeling. I'm not even going to make fun of the roommates in this segment, or talk about how ridiculous it is that they get to be on the float only because they are on television. Because it does seem like a really good time. You get all the craziness and fun of Mardi Gras without having to deal with the drunken groping and the crime on the ground level. In an interview, Jamie says that they have "booze" and "each other," as we see him giving Melissa a big kiss. In an interview, Julie convenes the next installment of Remedial Mardi Gras when she says that beads are a hot commodity and people will do anything for them. You don't say? I bet I can think of something they wouldn't do -- take off their clothes! Ha! Oh, Julie just said that they do rip off their clothes. Why, that is crazy! I have never heard of such a thing. In an interview, Danny says that seeing all the crazy stuff on the street makes you want to join in, and it is "the absolute most funnest thing" he's ever done in his life.

We see David and his "friends" on the porch of Belfort as the roommates' float approaches. They all continue to throw beads, and I swear to God Danny totally takes a digger but no one notices. If you have it on tape, watch for it. David hides in the house when he sees the float coming. In an interview, David claims that he didn't know exactly what float they were on, but he watched it from the house. Then we see a shot of David ducking into the house as if he were trying to avoid his roommates. Or maybe his "date" from the other night just showed up.

The music on the soundtrack says, "Out of controoool," as we see Danny taking a big slug of wine straight from the bottle. In an interview, Danny says that drinking "brings out [his] horniness, like ten times more than usual." Yeah, you and every other person in the world! And what is with Danny and "ten times." He has said that like, well, ten times. Danny takes another slug of wine. In an interview, Danny says that he becomes obnoxious when he drinks. Danny grabs Melissa and hugs her. In an interview, Matt says all judgmentally that when Danny gets "tipsy," he "becomes very loose with his affections and manages to kiss nearly everyone on the float." We see Danny trying to kiss Julie. Now the float has arrived back at the warehouse and the song keeps repeating, "out of controoool." In an interview, Melissa says that Danny is "out of control." What are they getting at here? Are they trying to say that Danny has been drinking or something? In an interview, Julie says that she's never seen Danny that drunk before. Oh, thank God Julie explained it. Some woman flashes her lower half, and then a different woman flashes her upper half. Suddenly a ton of people are in Belfort, and Danny is helping some guy flash the crowd. In an interview, Danny says that during Mardi Gras, people will flash "breasts" or "penises," but I hope he doesn't mean both from the same individual. Danny and one of his friends moon the crowd, and lots of pictures are taken. I'm sure those have already appeared on eBay. In an interview, Danny says he met some people, including one guy named Forrest who was flirting with him a lot. Uh oh, if we're getting a first name, he must be trouble. Forrest tells a very drunk Danny that he can't pick beads up off the ground, and that he'll have to give back the big ones around his neck. Danny does that drunk thing where he picks up the beads and just kind of stares at them like his brain can't quite compute what Forrest is talking about, but he knows it has something to do with the beads, and maybe if he keeps looking at them he'll figure it out, and by the way, why is the room spinning? In an interview, Danny says that on the way out of the house, Forrest pulled him into the confessional room. I thought it would be taping, but I remembered that the roommates have to turn on the camera manually. So, we get a shot of the confessional door, and then we hear a belt unbuckling and then (Good gravy!) a slurping noise. Danny voice-overs that it was then that he realized he had done a stupid thing. We see Danny bust out of the room, half-laughing but also claiming to be an "asshole" and then Forrest comes out and I swear to God, he wipes his mouth. Dude, why not just print up a sign that says, "I just sucked Danny's cock on national television. I have no pride. I'll be hanging out on the street corner with David's 'dates'" I guess that would be a lot of text for one sign. Anyway, Danny hustles Forrest out of there as quickly as he can, and Forrest is all, "Hug me! Call me!" and Danny is all, "Yeah, whatever. Bye!" and slams the door shut. Danny walks down the hall saying how he can't believe how royally he fucked up, and at least he has the graciousness to be remorseful, and he sounds really upset. Julie gets all nosy and runs after him asking what he did, and Danny keeps saying that he'll tell her later. Julie stops him and asks if it's what she thinks it is (and I'm sure her innocent little mind cannot even fathom what actually happened). Danny says it probably is, and Julie's all, "Oh nooooooo!" like I don't know why it's such a tragedy to her. Danny walks out the door, presumably off to search for his pride, since he clearly lost it before he got home. I mean blowjobs from strangers in closets, Danny? That's so Queer As Folk.

Back in Belfort, Danny has returned. He didn't find his pride, but he did find a bead (imagine that) and he stares at it real hard. Danny tells Kelley that he screwed up "big time" tonight. Kelley thinks he is talking about how drunk he was. He tried to like signal her with his eyes, but she totally misses the hint and makes a joke about his "liver saying goodbye." Danny says that "everything else is going to say goodbye too." I guess he means his balls after Paul cuts them off. Would you blame him? I mean, Danny promised him like a day earlier that he would be faithful. In an interview, Danny says that if Paul did this, Danny would be upset, but it's so hard with Mardi Gras, and he's trying to have a good time. Then Danny stares at the bead real hard some more.

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