Real World
Flora's Got the Syphilis in Her Toe

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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Flora's Got the Syphilis in Her Toe

Big shout-outs to all my Philly peeps keeping it real on the boards, to Sarah for the dog-related Binaca tip (it WORKS! Thank you!) and to Wing and Sars for ruling. Y'all rock.

Waves crash onto the beautiful Miami beaches. A surfer wipes out. Some ersatz Nine Inch Nails plays as Joe lolls around on his bed. His pager goes off and he drags himself to the phone to call Ick. He explains in Brooklynese, "Your numba was on my paga." Ick sounds icky as she says, "I didn't call you." Nice way to talk to your boyfriend, honey. Joe starts asking the tough questions: "Nic, what are you pulling? I haven't heard from you in a week?" Ick cruelly asks, "Are you mad?" If you mean mad as in crazy, then yes, he's dating you, isn't he? Joe gets out, "It hurts." It must hurt having a monster for a girlfriend -- even worse, a monster that ignores you.

Cyn helpfully explains to the camera that Joe is "messed up in the head right now," which is mighty generous of her. I'd say he's messed up 24-7, what with dating a giant monster with man-hands and failing so miserably at this business venture, but whatever. Back on the phone, Joe tries to get a word in edgewise as Ick continues her self-fulfilling-prophecy venture, ensuring that Joe will cheat by saying, "Don't worry about me...just do whatever you have to do." Or, do whomever you have to do. Joe looks pained but you know that inside his pint-sized body he's relieved to be off the hook. The cheating will now begin!

Poolside hijinks ensue -- a cannonball here, some skinny-Jacuzzi-dipping there. Sarah takes Joe's "shorts" and flings them across the patio area. The camera, in what may be the neatest spontaneous shot ever on the Real World, follows the wet, air-borne "shorts" as they fly in a perfect arc and land wetly -- smack! -- far from the Jacuzzi. Teasing of the now naked-but-blurred Joe ensues. "Put your drawers on, dude!" Yes, please do. Nearby, Cynthia giggles and peeks between her fingers at the blurry spots. Oh, eww. Then we get what seems to be a completely unrelated voice-over from Joe saying that he and Ick have "trust issues," and that she "knows about [his] history with the opposite sex." I hope the poolside hijinks haven't left too big a scar. Then we're back on the Phone Call of Pain. "Nic, you were with someone else last week, obviously." Ick retorts with "You're just gonna get mad if I tell you!" Joe insists he's "hanging in" with their relationship, and Ick says she thinks otherwise. Joe tells Ick to "just take some time off," and Ick says "Joe, shut up." Joe exhales woundedly. If that doesn't drive him right into the arms of another woman, I don't know what will.

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Real World

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