Real World
Gettin' Stormy

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Outside. Alex asks Paula the million-dollar question: "What happened to you all of a sudden?" In her drunk-baby voice (drunk babies are funny), Paula whines, "People look at Svetlana, and they're like 'Oh my God!' and then I'm like second best!" No, you're not, silly. You're like fifteenth best, tops. But also: holy shit, she's a fucking basket case. Alex tries to talk her down, and she's saying it's about something from her past, and he keeps probing, like a dipshit, instead of running inside and trying to fuck Svetlana. She then tells him to imagine the worst-case scenario, and tells him that's what she's been through. Paula then camera-talks nonsense about having a bad ex-boyfriend, and that it's just one more thing about her that people won't know how to deal with. Well, telling some dude at a bar you're trying to hook up with this secret is maybe not the best idea. Maybe save it for the fourth date, at least. "He beat me up," she says, her thin, scarred arms over her face, and then tells Alex that her ex put her in the hospital. Run, dude! Commercials.

MARRIOTT! Night. The phone rings. It's Abusive Ex Keith calling for Paula. Svet tells him that she's not there right now. Svet then tells us that she doesn't want Paula talking to Keith. For some reason, Alex comes back to their hotel room, bringing Paula, who is all smiles, suddenly. He asks whether she's okay, and she says yes. Alex then says, "You were talking crazy last night," which is very confusing. Confusing timeline issues on The Real World? No! Paula and Alex enter the hotel room, Paula smiling to the girls about bringing Alex back here. For some stupid reason, Svet tells Paula that Abusive Keith called. Paula then camera-psychos that it's hard for her not to talk to Keith because he's her problem, but he also makes her happy, and helps get her back to a "good place." Paula insightfully adds, "Unfortunately, he's the reason I'm in a bad place." Paula still calls him, of course.

In the other room, Alex tells the others about Paula's freak-out and how she told him about Keith, saying that Keith put her in the hospital "like five times." Whoa! It keeps getting better. Hey! I just realized, Jose is with some blonde girl hanging on his arm. And I can't tell for sure, but it doesn't even look like she has a dick under those clothes. Wow! Alex says that he doesn't even know what happened and didn't "ask" for any of this with Paula. Heh. John tells him that it has nothing to do with him, calling him "bro" in the process. You know when John calls you "bro," he's getting real. Meanwhile, Paula camera-talks that she realizes she's making all guys pay for what Keith did to her; she admits that trying to protect bar girls from John was stupid, but that it's all part of that. Paula goes to sleep.

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Real World

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