Bunim: [looking over the dailies] Fuck, shit, bitch, piss, doody, sissy, crap!
Murray: Mary-Ellis? Are you sure those diet pills are really such a good idea?
Bunim: Jonathan, I'm serious. Get a gander at this doctor!
Murray: Jiminy Cricket! That women is homely!
Bunim: Hey, Paula Poundstone called, she wants her self-loathing dykey attitude back!
Murray: In generations past we'd have called her "plain." Now she's just a freak. Who let her on the set?
Bunim: I'm told they had to let her in the house despite her camera unfriendliness because apparently Sharon was sick or something and it was an emergency.
Murray: Oh, I hate it when that happens.
Bunim: I think I'm going to distribute a memo to the production team. The next time someone is sick, have the hospital send over a selection of doctors, and have them meet us outside the house so that we can take some Polaroids and make a casting decision. Jesus H. Christ! Where did she get that blazer? Today's Man? That Jimmy is a helluva production manager but sometimes he just panics and doesn't think too hard y'know?
Murray: It can happen to the best of us. Have some more coke.
So you'd think Sharon would have taken some pleasure in suffering the nastiest illness anyone in the house has had all season. I mean so far, Lars's flu/head injury combo doesn't hold a candle to Sharon's tonsillitis, seeing as there wasn't no homely doctor making a house call for Lars, not to mention the fact that Lars was well enough to get up and crack his head open. Sharon can't even do that. Since Sharon's firmly in the lead, you'd think she'd get a little lazy, rest on her laurels, and stop to smell the flowers but it's just not enough attention and drama for Sharon. No! Sharon is going to ride this illness for all it's worth, so get ready!
Okay, has anyone else watched Traffik, the U.K. version of Traffic? I can't stop recommending it to people. It's just so amazing. Anyway, there's this scene I will never forget in which this Pakistani woman makes a deal with this drug lord to serve as one of his "mules" in return for him paying to have her husband released from prison. She has no choice but to co-operate because she just moved to the overcrowded city Karachi from the countryside where she and her husband were simple poppy farmers until their farms were destroyed by the government. Now that there's no work to be found in Karachi, her husband had to work for a drug dealer. So the scene that really creeped me out was in this doctor's office where the wife is being instructed on how to swallow the balloon filled with heroin. Her two kids are sitting next to her and the doctor is yelling at her because she keeps gagging on the balloon and can't swallow it even after he dipped it in some honey. Finally after, like, five minutes, she gets the thing down; she gets up to leave and the doctor is like, "Where are you going?" and explains that they wouldn't pay for her ticket from Karachi to London if she were only carrying such a meager amount. He hands her the rest of her "stash," which contains what looks like at least two dozen more balloons, and that's the end of the scene. Anyway, Sharon is giving some Pakistani Woman In Traffik-style action. She can't keep any of her medicine down because she can't swallow it. The house pulls together to help Sharon swallow her medicine, but she can't. Instead, she spits it into a napkin and sobs hysterically. It's gets so bad, even Jacinda gets concerned and explains in an interview that Sharon couldn't even swallow her own spit. Jacinda calls the doctor back and they tell her to "attend Casualty," which I assume is like going to the emergency room. ["I believe you are correct." -- Wing Chun] Kat bundles Sharon up and puts her into a cab. "I couldn't go with her because I had a class," says Kat in a voice-over. "But as soon as she was gone I wished I had gone with her." Sharon checks into "Casualty" and has a seat in the waiting room. I guess we're supposed to feel bad for Sharon all alone there in this big bureaucratic hospital, but I'd just like to remind everyone that the camera crew are there for Sharon. I'm sure they kept her company.