Real World
God Tells Sharon To Shut Up…Again

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God Tells Sharon To Shut Up...Again

After a commercial break, a fleet of better-looking doctors look Sharon over and decide that she needs to spend some time at the hospital. A chubby but cute Indian intern explains to Sharon that they're going to give her penicillin intravenously as well as some fluids. Apparently Sharon is legitimately dehydrated. She's not in rehab or anything! Hey, remember Sharon's fear of needles? No? Well, here's a reminder. They're hooking her up to an IV drip, and she squeals like Sally Field in Sybil when she's forced to listen to Dvorak. In a voice-over, presumably from the future after she got better, Sharon explains that she could have died if the infection had spread any further. The gang comes to visit her in the hospital, and unlike the time she had her throat surgery, when she wasn't supposed to speak, she really can't speak this time. Sharon's mother explains to Jacinda and Jay that Sharon had an abscess, which the doctors said was the largest one they'd ever seen. Sharon glows with price while her mother describes how the doctors had to slit her throat to lance it. Jacinda explains in an interview that Sharon was acting "excited and happy" while she was in the hospital. "She was just like Sharon," says Jacinda. "But without a voice. Oh wait, I guess you can't be Sharon without a voice." Meow.

Back at Attention Deficit Manor, the gang discusses the fact that Sharon will be back on Sunday, and that her bout of tonsillitis was the worst case of tonsillitis the doctors had seen in years. Oh, and Mike hates hospitals. But he goes with Lars to visit Sharon anyway. By now, Sharon is able to speak, but she sounds like Linda Purl playing Shaun Cassidy's retarded girlfriend in that 1979 made-for-TV movie Like Normal People. Sharon describes the lancing of the abscess to Mike, and he's clearly disturbed. You walk about with that haircut and you're grossed out by an abscess? In an interview, Lars basically repeats what Jacinda said: that Sharon was "happy and excited" in the hospital. Sharon, in an interview done after she gets her voice back, says how "happy and excited" she was when her housemates came to visit her.

Unfortunately, Kat is not "happy and excited." According to a confessional by Jacinda, Kat feels lousy about herself. "Everybody in the house gets that feeling about Kat -- that she needs someone or something to love," says Jacinda in an interview. Not that any other interviews with the housemates indicate that they, in fact, agree that Kat needs someone or something to love. Why would Jacinda make up something like that? So she can buy Kat a kitten and not be the only housemate with an inappropriate pet, that's why! Jacinda drags Jay to the home of some old lady who has kittens for adoption, and selects a black one. They go home and surprise Kat by throwing the thing into her bedroom and holding the curtains closed. Thankfully, Kat is touched by this gesture. If someone gave me a kitten as a "surprise," I can't say I'd be quite as delighted with the responsibility thrust upon me against my will. Oh, and I just have to say here that in spite of the fact that Jacinda has brought yet another animal into a house that can barely take care of the dog the housemates already have, you have to be made of stone not to be moved by the sight of the kitten and Legend getting along right away and sniffing each other's butts. This is the stuff that kitty posters are made of. A slightly disturbed-looking Kat confirms in an interview that she had wanted a kitten, but adds, "It's not like I expected anyone to go out and get me a kitten. I wasn't dropping hints or anything." We hear "Atomic Dog" again and see a montage sequence featuring Legend and the new kitten frolicking together. Kat claims that the new kitten has changed all the men in the house "into big softies." Because, you know, before the kitten arrived, the house was just jam-packed with testosterone. In fact, I heard a rumor that Jay left the toilet seat up once.

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