The roommates wake up at 7:12 AM. And the meeting is at 8 AM. Steven says that they only have ten to fifteen minutes to get ready, and jokes that Alton (who has a shaved head) won't have time to do his hair. The roommates get ready and head out the door to their orientation session. There are other new employees in attendance. Oh, dear. The trainer is that woman. You know her. She's a well-preserved fortyish woman who probably shops at Ann Taylor or maybe even Lord & Taylor when she gets the 25\% off coupons in the mail and they're having a good sale on suits at the same time. She's single, but she goes on a few dates each month, and her refrigerator is covered in Cathy cartoons and cat magnets. Her favorite movie is Romancing the Stone. She thinks Michael Douglas is sexy, but she's a little upset with him for ditching his wife and hooking up with that Catherine Zeta-Jones. She has had a subscription to People for ten years, and she finds that lately she's been skipping over the celebrity gossip stories and reading the heartwarming human-interest stories instead. She goes to the gym three nights a week, and when she gains ten pounds after the holidays, she just counts her Weight Watchers points for a few weeks until she gets back to her fighting weight. She previously worked in real estate, and sold Mary Kay on the side, but she decided to take this corporate training job for the steady paycheck. She's getting her MBA by taking night classes at UNLV, and she's only got five more semesters to go. She's a member of the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce and she's been working on the campaign to convince tourists that Vegas is a family town now. I seriously could write a whole recap just about this woman. She's a lot more interesting to me than any of the roommates.
So anyway, Ann the Trainer is a little too enthusiastic for that hour of the morning. For once, I actually agree with Brynn on that point. Ann makes them do that icebreaker where you have to say your first name and then an adjective that begins with the same letter as your first name. Like she is Ann, and she is awesome. And when she says that, she throws her arms up in the air, and holy moly does Ann have a rack on her. Maybe I read her totally wrong. Maybe she's a former showgirl. I have to stop or I'll do another whole three paragraphs on her biography. Also, I always hated this game because there is no good adjective that starts with K and also describes me in any way. And they never let you cheat and just use something that starts with a hard c sound, like "caustic." Frank stands up and says that he's exhausted. Did he not understand the game? Ann makes him say something that starts with F, and Frank comes up with fantastic. Trishelle is tremendous. Not really the word I would have chosen. Most of the people on the forums would have said "trashy." Irulan is interesting. Brynn is bodacious. Arissa is ambidextrous. Is that an adjective, really? At least it's original. Alton is amazing. Steve is stupid. No, that's really what he said. Ann makes him say something else, so he comes up with slutty. Well, at least it's accurate. Ann, who is a trooper, asks for something more positive, and Steve finally comes up with "super-duper." And while I still hate Steven, at least he was a good sport about the whole thing. Ann says something about behaviors that demonstrate core values and oh my God am I glad I don't work for a huge corporation anymore. Okay, I have to confess that I used to be a corporate trainer. But I swear, I tried to make it fun, and I cracked a lot of jokes, and I wasn't Ann and I never mentioned "core values." In an interview, Brynn says that she was a bit hung over and she didn't want to be there. Ann announces a twelve-minute break, and then hurries into a back room to do a shot to fortify herself to get through this training session. Brynn rushes off to the bathroom where she pukes. And we get to hear it all.