Real World
Hell Is These People

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
Judd Hates Everything

Judd and Pam hold the wet and trembly Rachel as she recounts her near-near- near-death experience. We watch Rachel fall off the cliff again in slow motion. It's incredibly ungraceful. Rachel pouts that she really wanted to cliff-dive. The camera is between her legs and I'm uncomfortable.

Everyone says goodbye to Cruiser Bob. Pam tells us that she tried to get away from the Cruiser Bob goodbye kiss, but we watch him haul ass over to her and kiss her face.

In the van ride home, Rachel's still going on about how she almost died falling into a pool of water from eight feet in the air. Jo tells Rachel how to avoid almost dying in the future, and then suddenly Judd's some diving expert, telling Rachel where she went wrong as well. I hate everyone on this show. I really do. Rachel needs more pampering, so they give it to her.

Judd says they should go somewhere expensive for their last night in Hawaii on MTV's dime. Montage of Getting Ready. The girls are taking their time. The boys are ready. Someone needs to fix Pedro's hair. Everyone's ready except Jo and Rachel. Everyone else is sitting on the floor outside the hotel room. Rachel's still not ready. Everyone is pissed by the time Rachel tries on her fifth outfit. She apologizes and everyone sighs. Judd's pissed off. They go to Benihana. Heh. Cory tells us that everyone was getting on everyone's nerves at this point. Didn't she just tell us that yesterday? How long do they get to stay in Hawaii, anyway? I'm so jealous.

Benihana is a great place to take vegans. Seriously. It's just animals and butter and Jo crying over tortured souls getting sauteed right in front of her on a giant skillet for a plate. Jo is so pissed that she can't eat anything that everyone gets pissed that Jo's ruining their fun by calling their food "corpses." "That was the vegan straw that broke the carnivore's back," Judd tells us. Cut to everyone silently watching the food get prepared. Judd says, "I wish we had a bigger table that was less intimate." Everyone stops playing with their food to stare at Judd. "Sarcasm," he states. Nobody is amused.

Everyone goes drinking afterwards, so they have fun. We don't see that. We just get a quick montage as Judd tells us that they did things together that were fun and then they did things that were annoying. Great. Can we just end the season now?

Cut to more Enya, making me want to rip my ears off. You know, she just makes albums that sound like jokes about Enya. You know her new album is called The Sound of Trees or some shit? I could say that as a joke about Enya, and it'd be cut for being too obvious, when in reality, it's the name of her album. Does she know we're all laughing at her? Is this the most that's been written about Enya in ten years? Thought so.

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Real World




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