Recapper General Warning: in a Real World season that gave reality television the divine right to mirror the same intense levels of droning boredom most real people actually do achieve during the course of an average boring day, it seems almost redundant to string together the this-is-where-we-suffer-ennui episode at all. But season-to-season B-M formula dictates otherwise, and this is that episode right here. For my recapping dollar, they may as well have just aired a still photograph of Strom Thurmond reading out of a cookbook during the middling moments of a C-SPAN congressional filibuster for twenty-two TV minutes. Because this episode is boring, people. This is boring-for-people-who-dig-The-Yule-Log boring. This is boring-for-people-who-can't-watch-TV-on-a-Saturday-afternoon-because-the-heart-stopping-spectacle-of-golf-isn't-good-for-their-blood-pressure boring. This is...well, you get the idea. And you thought this season was boring before, didn't you? Well, then, you were absolutely right. You were right all along. You're just more right now than ever.
We begin with an opening montage of snow-covered snow that gets the executive corps of Stock Footage Inc. all in a tizzy because they've finally tracked down the location of those lost reels they haven't seen since they appeared in the mountaintop crash sequence of Alive. The electric guitar soundtrack is a-pumping as The Angry Snow of Cast Dissatisfaction is juxtaposed against images of the firehouse in a state of yucky disrepair. Dirty dishes in the sink. Open pizza boxes on the floor. Unmade beds in every room. Sean's continued existence for any reason whatsoever. As you can see, nothing is going right. Kameelah gives voice to these concerns, confessionalizing, "The kitchen is a mess, the house in general is so disgusting. We're slobs. We all are." Over at the CCC, Sean, Montana, Syrus, and Elka discuss, natch, the fact that the house is dirty. Sean volunteers that "the house is gross and it smells," and Syrus adds, "The upstairs is gross and it smells, too." Syrus, dude, I know you haven't been hanging around the firehouse all that much over the course of the last, say, sixteen episodes or so, but I will say, in the rest of the house's defense, that every time you do walk in that front door, you're most often carrying in large bags of skanky trash. Now, is that any way to keep a house clean? Ha ha, I've used that joke already. And unlike Kameelah's "we're all in this grossness together" confessional from a moment before, this conversation is filled with passive-aggressive blame. Montana observes, "We have to start getting vicious about the plates. When somebody leaves them down there, we take them out of the kitchen and put them in your bed." Syrus pipes up for emphasis, "We put 'em on the bed!" Yeah, thanks for the clarification between "in" the bed and "on" the bed. No wonder you're getting edited ruthlessly out of every episode, Superfluous Joe.