Real World
Home, It's Where I Want to Be

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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Home, It's Where I Want to Be

Oh look, another Jet Ski. That must mean we're in Miami. The Miami Clown Machine (tm sgib) is talking about the business. Oh, lord. Joe wants his shares to be given to the dog. There's a shot of adorable puppy Leroy chewing on a hair tie. The rest of the group scoffs at Joe. I jam a pen into my eye (tm Jessica) because I am SO SICK of recapping non-business non-adventures. Melissa says, "This is not a freaking joke, this is a business," and can you guess how loudly I screamed that it is in fact a freaking joke? Did you hear me scream? Then you know how loud it was.

Cynthia's on the computer. Flora and Melis are talking about stuff not so far away from her. Leroy barks and nips at Cyn's ankles. She pushes him away with her slippered foot and remarks to the two gals, "Did you see that? Now when I pop his ass..." Flora interrupts snootily, saying, "Don't pop his ass. You don't have permission." Cynthia says she doesn't need permission. Flora says she's really serious. Yeah, a serious pain in the ass. Cynthia swivels around in her chair to face Flora and says, "Oh, I KNOW you're serious, and so am I!" Flora, bitch queen of the universe, picks up Leroy, who looks a little scared, and says passive-aggressively, "He's my dog. I'll sic him on you and he'll bite your ass." Cynthia shoots right back, "Then he can sic his ass right outside." Flora says, "Then I'll have to pop you." Oh my fucking god, where is all this coming from? What is Flora's fucking problem? Someone double her dose, or cut it in half, or something. Cynthia says she'd like to see Flora try. Yeah, cage fight! Two roomies enter, one roomie leaves. And it's not the Russian one. Then Flora drops the big one: "Cynthia, you better get your black attitude out of my face." What? WHAT? This is the part where Cynthia turns into a blur of fists and beats Flora's ass into pulp. No, she doesn't, but I wish she did. Cynthia stands up and says, "Excuse me? Black attitude?" Flora stalks around with the dog, wearing a white half-shirt that displays her Abs of Mush to great (and by "great" I mean "sickening") advantage, and says, "No really, you're being really rude." Um, NO, she IS NOT. YOU ARE, Flora. Cynthia says, "Your dog bit me. Control your dog." Then they cut away to an interview, where Cynthia explains, in case you didn't get it, that Flora's comment upset her: "She said something about 'black' and that just triggered me to defend myself." Back at the fight, Cyn says, "Me being black ain't got nothing to do with it." WORD. Flora and Mel stalk passive-aggressively away, and Cyn flips the bird and yells "bitch" after them. Yeah, what she said, infinity.

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Real World

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