Welcome to the first episode of The Real World: San Francisco. I'm sure that part of the reason Wing asked me to do this season is because I live in SF and she was probably hoping I'd be able to provide the insider's perspective. However, I rarely go anywhere, so unless you're interested in the insider's view of, say, my apartment, you might be a bit disappointed.
We open with every clichéd shots of San Francisco imaginable: cable cars, the Golden Gate bridge and twee houses in the marina. There's a voice-over of an unidentified man, who I will helpfully identify as Puck, saying that "messengers get a bad rep because they have to tell a car what to do." Actually, bike messengers get a bad rep because they pull stupid stunts like holding onto the wheel well of a car and coasting alongside it, as Puck demonstrates. More shots of reckless Puck riding downhill behind MUNI with no hands. Oh, that's smart. If there's any random person out on the street who's liable to be more insane than Puck at any given moment, it's a MUNI driver. Puck hazards a guess that nobody else in the house is going to be like him. Amen to that. But let me remind you that doesn't mean they will be any less annoying.
Okay, so we start our journey today not in San Francisco but down south at the Amtrak station closest to Seal Beach. Amidst the floral backdrop of her room a blond perky woman informs us that her name is Cory. Her eyes are wide and her grin is super-big, almost as if her face had frozen in the midst of making the "troll face" that was ever-so-popular among the seven-year-olds in my day. Cory tells us that she feels "weird" because her life is going to change soon. Cory is a sheltered girl. You can tell because the producers shot her in a room so overly floral that my allergies are acting up just looking at it. Plus they show her family praying around the dinner table, although I bet God would appreciate it if they turned off the TV while they were talking to him. Shots of Cory looking pensive on the train in her ubiquitous striped top from Mervyns that just screams 1993. The Cory voice-over tells us that she's "worried about how [the roommates] will react to her." What reaction? Cory is as boring as canned milk. She also tells us that she hopes she will be "open" and accepting of her new roommates. That's important because the next person we meet is...